I have a great family. I have two sisters and I am the middle child. I have been bullied ever since I was 10. I have been wanting to die for the past 4 years. I have depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and I self-harm.
It all started when I was 10 years old. Kids would shove me into countertops, say mean things, and make fun of the fact that I didn’t talk much. When I was 13 I started dating this guy I've known my entire life. I was really happy with him. It was August and school had just started. I hate school. I get so anxious, and I hate talking in front of the class or just a group.
Months past, it is December now. My boyfriend broke up with me and started dating my friend. The depression came back. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, and that it was my fault he broke up with me. I had suicidal thoughts again. I started listening to music all the time, and I quit talking to my friends. I started skipping meals. I was still getting bullied, and when I got home I would go straight to my room and I wouldn’t come out. I would even act sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school. In March I started to talk to some of my friends again. In May I started talking to my ex-boyfriend again. I was still depressed and skipping meals.
In August school started and I felt anxious about going back to school. In November I started dating my ex again. We started dating 10 days before my birthday. I felt happy for the first time in months. 10 days before Christmas I had family issues going on and I had cut for the first time. I wanted to die but I was trying to be strong for my mom. I started hanging out in my room more often and I quit talking to some of my friends, and I was skipping meals again.
In March I stopped skipping meals. My best friend is bisexual and has depression, suicidal thoughts, and she self-harms too. We talk when we feel like cutting, having a bad day, or just to talk. She is also gets bullied because she is bisexual.
It is April and my best friend is doing worse. Her mom saw her cuts and put her in a mental hospital. I can’t see or speak to her and I don’t know if I can make it without her. She is the one person that I can talk to who understands what I’m going through, so it is so easy to tell her what I’m going through. My boyfriend just found out about my cuts, and he and I started arguing about it. I just don’t know what I’m going to do. I am trying not to cut and it is really hard, but at least I’m trying.