One day one of my friends asked me a question, “Why didn’t you ever hang out with us while you were in a relationship?” Being at a total lost for words because of the unexpected question, I just simply answered back “I don’t know”. Now that I look back and think hard about that question I ask myself the same thing, “why didn’t I?”. This was such a huge eye opener for me that all of a sudden I decided to change my whole perspective. Eventually that “relationship” no longer existed which caused me to basically lose myself.
The one person that I put all my effort and time into was no longer there and I felt like I had just lost everything. As time went on I realized that that wasn’t true. I was surrounded and supported by all of my friends and family. They were there when I was at my lowest point and made me see that there is more to life than being in a relationship. After that I started going out and being more involved with school more which led to creating more friendships and making a ton of happy memories that outweighed all the negative ones.
Why do we need to be dependent on one person for our happiness? I believe that there’s life outside of a relationship. There’s so much more out there in the real world compared to this fantasized world that’s isolated to focus on one person. You’re depriving yourself of all the possibilities out there for you. All of the opportunities that’s right there in front of you but don’t want to take advantage of. Being miserable everyday with that person and trying to find happiness and excitement where it no longer exist isn’t how you should be living. It’s not mentally healthy for you to do that to oneself no matter what age you are.
Many adults could say that they’ve started dating around times ranging from middle school up until high school. During those times of adolescents were unsure of what we want and what we think the true meaning of love is. We automatically assume that the first boyfriend/girlfriend we have will last forever. Not to say that we’re all going to have to learn the hard way, we just aren’t mature enough to know what we truly want for ourselves. Then you grow up and realize that there’s much more ahead waiting no matter how much obstacles are thrown at you in the moment.
When you finally realize that there’s more to life, it’s like finally coming up for air after drowning for so long. Why do we find relationships so important? Why does having a “perfect life” associate with finding love? People can be happy and have a great life while being on their own. People shouldn’t feel the need to go out and actually find love but let love find them instead.
You’re not lonely or a loser for not having a significant other. You’re being independent and having fun living life. It’s just like Rapunzel from Tangled who has been trapped in a castle all her life. She can watch everything around the tower from a distance but not actually experience it for herself. Then that one day where she decides to take a risk and escape, it ended up being the most illustrious decision she’s ever made.
When being in a relationship you get comfortable with what you’ve always known, the routine and the idea of this person always being there. This person becomes like you’re safety blanket and you use them to shield everything around you. Eventually that feeling subsides which causes you just want more. This leads to cheating and harsh breakups which causes a lot of emotionally unstable teenagers to fall apart. Being in a relationship isn’t and shouldn’t be something to strive for.
Being single isn’t the end of the world or the end of all hopes of finding “true love” but just extra time to build on yourself. You’ll grow and understand along the way what you truly want and you can decide when you’re ready to be in a relationship. Even while being in a relationship already isn’t a bad thing either but just keep in mind that there’s a life you had before you met that person. Don’t let that life fade away around you just because this person came into it. “Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” - Omar Khayyam.