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Guilt of Fun

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It was freshman year in high school, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I woke up that December morning, ate breakfast and went off to school. The day was just like any other winter day at school. Snow on the ground outside, and everyone wearing clothes to protect themselves from the cold. Sixth period came, and it was now time for lunch. I got my burger, and met up with my usual friends. We all decided that we should hang out this Friday, and that’s where it all began.


I went home that afternoon, tired from the long day at school. At the dinner table, I ask the question, “Can I hang out with my friends on Friday”? Almost immediately, both parents responded with a no.


“We will not be home Friday night, and I don’t want you going anywhere unless we are home” my dad told me.
I refused to talk for the rest of dinner. I quietly finished my chicken, and then went off to my room. I layed down for a while and was checking out my Facebook page. At the same time, I was thinking about what I was going to do about the situation because I wanted to hang out that Friday.


There were two choices going through my head at this point, it was either stay home and do what my parents say, or go out with friends and risk getting in large trouble with friends. I thought about what I will do as I was doing homework, and then throughout the night, before I went to sleep.


The next morning, I woke up and still deciding. I walked through the dark hallway, turned the light switch, and made some breakfast. “Goodmorning, Stevan” my mom said as she walked in.


“Good morning” I replied.


As she was preparing coffee for herself, and I was eating cereal, there was an awkward silence between us. I was tempted to ask the question last night once more, but did not feel like getting into a fight this early in the morning. I decided to not ask and walked across the house and into my bedroom. I put on my clothes, packed my stuff, and was now waiting for my sister to pack up and leave the house. We then ran across the yard to the garage and left for school.


That morning there was even more snow on the ground. The snow was like the pressure on my chest of whether or not I would go with my friends that Friday. I went to go see Grayson and his brother Aaron, who were two of the people that I was supposed to hang out with, but first went to the bookstore to buy a hoodie. I was greeted by Mrs. Groh, who we’ve all known since freshman year. As I was buying my stuff, I asked her for her opinion on what I should do.


“Do you think I should listen to my parents, or quietly go out” I asked?
“You need to always listen to your parents! Don’t risk getting in trouble” she said.
As I explained how much I wanted to hang out with my friends, she gave me an idea of what I could do.
“Maybe if you're good and do all that they tell you to do, maybe you can go” she said.


I told her a quick “maybe” before I had to get on my way as class was starting in five minutes. Along the way, I passed by Grayson. His first question was “can you go”?


“I’ll tell you in a bit” I responded.


I got to history class and Mr. Biondo greeted us at the door like he does everyday. I got to class and sat down next to my table partner, Tom. Before I could say anything, Mr. Biondo was talking, so we listened. It was about World War II. I had a hard time listening though, still thinking about what I should do. Mr. Biondo then said, “Alright, talk to your table partner about your reading last night, and we may or may not have a quiz after school”.


“Whats up Steve”? Tom said.
“Nothing much, just remembered about the reading I was supposed to do last night”! I replied angrily.
“Damn”.


The day went on, pressure getting higher, and all classes similar. And all I could think about is if I should go or not. Days went on, snow got higher, and the day came.


I woke up that morning, but it felt different. At this point, I knew I was going. I jumped up out of bed, more energetic than usual. My mom noticed this as well.


“Well that’s strange, your usually grumpy in the morning”. She said.
“I don’t know, just really excited it’s Friday”. I said.


I was lying. At this point, I have decided that I will go, and try my hardest to not get caught. I got in the car, and my mom drove us to school. Going in, I saw Grayson and Aaron.


“So” Grayson said in a long way.
“I’m going”! I said excitedly.
“Great! Can’t wait” Aaron said this time.


Saying this, I had a strange feeling, it just did not feel at all right. I thought that I would be excited, but instead I felt guilty. As the day passed on, I was feeling a little less guilty, and more excited to be going to uptown Park Ridge tonight.


Finally! It is 3:15, which is the end of the school day. I go outside and greet my grandmother who is waiting for me in the car. I walk across the parking lot and get inside the black car, which has it’s heat on. It is very cold at this point, so the heat inside was very nice, even after walking across the parking lot for a minute or so. As we are zooming past the forest and snow, I realize that the snow that was melting this morning is no longer melting. It has all frozen. The radio called for freezing temperatures, so I knew this stuff will stay for a little long.


Around five o'clock, my parents were all dressed up and ready to leave for their night out. “Stay out of trouble”, my dad told me before he left out the door. I felt a little more worried. I sat anxiously, once again wondering if I should go or not. Time passed by quickly though, as it was already five thirty, and my friends were to pick me up at six o’clock, so I was needing to get ready.


I put on my blue jeans, and a red shirt. I wish it was summer though, as now I need to get bundled up so I wouldn’t freeze to death. I put on a hoodie, along with my winter jacket, and all of the other little accessories. Ring! I look at my phone to see what notification I got. I read, “We’re here”. My heart started jumping out, and the million scenarios of what might happen if I got caught come to mind. I start to feel less excited now, as I lock the door to the house, and walk across the cold concrete to the Toyota car waiting for me.


We spent the time going to see a movie at the Pickwick theatre, followed by walking to Starbucks to get out coffee’s. As I am looking down at my phone, it says that it’s eight thirty. I immediately sprang out of my seat and told my friends that we need to go now. We walked down the road with the sharp, cold air hitting my face to get to the car. At this point, I am feeling panic and guilt. “Please don’t be home”, is what I said in my head over a million times.


We drove ten minutes, but it felt like eternity. As we pulled up, my heart sank. My parents were just getting out of the red Jeep. I didn’t know what to do. I told him to drive very quickly to the alley. I got into the garage and pretended to be working on something. Luckily it was just in time. I see my mom and dad approaching the garage. I open the door expecting to hear my mom yelling at me for being in the cold garage, but that was not the topic that I was being yelled at about.


“Don’t you dare lie to us, where were you”? She said angrily.


“In the garage, working on the snow blower”, I said very nervously.


“You’re lying. Your grandma came by a half our ago, and you weren’t home, now go on and tell the truth”, she said.


“Okay, I went out with my friends”, I said in a sad tone.


There was an eerie silence, then the words came out, “I am very disappointed in you, I thought you were more responsible than that”, she said in a sad tone this time. The level of guilt was at an all time high at this point. I feel very stupid for disobeying my parents. That night, snow started to fall very hard.


I had thought all night about the mistake I had made. It was wrong as I hurt my parents and made them lose their trust in me. That night, I gave a sincere apology to my parents, and learned my lesson. I hated the feeling of guilt. I always tried to avoid it. Since that cold December night, the snow has melted, and I no longer have pressure and guilt on me, and learned to never lie and always respect my parents’ instruction. It was a Friday night that would change the way I would think.






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