Nope, I'm Fine

March 15, 2017
By Anonymous

My best friend and I met in second grade, when they say that you eventually change your ways to accommodate others, they lie. Almost every weekend since we started going out, from playdates to high school parties, she has been late. How many times has she been late? about a trillion, maybe not so much, but the point is that its been way too many times to count.

Up until recently I had lived a naive and honest life, I had never thought to lie about the time an event began at. For example, if the concert started at 8:00, I would tell her to be at my house by 7:30,that seems reasonable right? Wrong. It would be reasonable if a certain person knew how to manage time and would actually arrive at 7:30. Instead there I was an hour later sitting in my living room ready to explode, or just yell obscenities at her. This was my life, and I was ready to live it but then a great and amazing idea occurred to me, an idea that most politicians have already perfected. From then on I would constantly lie to my best friend. A relationship built on lies but thankfully and most importantly a relationship where I would never arrive late at any event again.
Me: Hey do you want to go see this movie? Her: Yeah, at what time? Me: Umm it starts at 6:30pm(actually starts at 8pm). Her: Okay see you there! I stood there in amazement as she arrived at 7pm and we had time to spare until the real movie began. This became my the most cherished moment of my life, I had never been so at peace than I was after I began playing this lying game.

This life changing revelation would unfortunately, like all good things, come to an end. My best friends chronic lateness had consumed her, and she was past the point of return. There was no plausible lie that could be told in order to have her arrive on time. We had planned on going to a festival, I told her to be at my house by 12pm. I had also invited another friend, thankfully this friend has not been infected or consumed by the lateness disease. My best friend tells me the night before that she has to go buy a new phone in the morning but that it wouldn't affect our plans. I'm thinking "Great! It cant possibly take her all morning and afternoon to buy a phone", and at that moment I jinxed everything. It quickly became 12:30pm the day of the festival and so, prepared for the worst, I leave my house without the bff. It's now 4:30pm and the bestie calls me. She says "Hi, I just finished, what are you doing?Can I still go or..?". The passive aggressiveness runs through my veins at the sound of her voice. Would you, the audience like to guess at what time she left to get her phone? It's okay, ill just tell you, it was 12pm, the "morning" also the same time she was supposed to show up at my house! She asks me if i'm mad and I, ever so casually, very calmly say "Nope, i'm fine". An hour later and she reads the rant text that followed.
You could say that i'm anal, or she's incompetent. I would chose The second and highly suggest you do too. All criticism aside I sincerely worry for her future, how will she make it to a job interview, wedding or even funeral on time? However, for now, she is blessed to have an amazing friend who wont fire, divorce or disown her over something as silly and petty as time. Because honestly, time is just a societal construction that limits us and attempts to control our lives.

The author's comments:

A satire like essay of my long relationship with the best person in the world who I love the most.

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