Consume or be Consumed

February 6, 2017

The only time I eat is when I'm stressed. I would stuff my face with a whole pot of Ramon Noodles and I'd still be "hungry". It wasn't hunger, it was stress. The only way I could get my stress out was by liking clean a tub of mint chocolate chip icecream clean. And even then my stomach would still growl.


After the stress period is over I look in the mirror to find a fat girl staring back. The girl that even though her collar bones could be seen, even though she had a thigh gap, and even though her ribs could be felt, she was still fat. I would self loath for hours on end, glaring at the none existing fat.


Monday, the cycle would start again. I would stress over homework, over the tardies that had accumalated, over my grades that had been slipping, stressing over the fact that I would soon have my 15 and I had to pick out a horrid dress and the cake, the food, the music. Once Saturday came around I had enough time to sit infront of the mirror and look at how fat I had become due to the stress eating in the previousfive days.


I had gone through this cycle for five years straight. I will continue to go through this cycle until the day I die. Although there is no need for me to be this way, I am, I always will be. I will accept this and move on, although there's a prblem. I can't.


I can not accept that this is potentially the reason I die in the future. That I will die unhappy because of the weight I am disatisfied with. I Don't, and I won't Die beacuse of my disatifaction with my weight.


I won't let myself be consumed by the way society thinks is an acceptable weight, and I will not sit around for it to change. I will consume the foods that will help me, I will be proud of the way my body is, because it's me.

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