So Hi. I've never really done this before, i normally try and do carefully written carefully planned things.
But this is gonna be more of a ramble. I also don't think im gonna edit this, because it just feels wrong.
This about how i feel, and i don't think feelings should be a thing to be edited just to look better. Anyways, a couple weeks ago my Aunt got diagnosed with Cancer. And i've had people i know die of cancer before, but nobody that really mattered to me. Distant relations i probably haven't seen for ten years. But this aunt is, to be honest my favorite.

Now she's is my stepdad Bob's sister, and hes been having a rough year. His dad just died this summer and his mom is dying as we speak.And i think he's just reached his breaking point. I used more than three squares of toilet paper. Blowup. I didn't return the garbage bag from when i was taking it out. Blowup. I don't really know what to do. I think he already dislikes me enough already, after this big math fight we had LAST YEAR. I've generally been pretty good with people but this is one time i have no clue.

On top of that, today's the day where we find out if my aunt's cancer is terminal or not. And even if it isn't, the surgery has a chance of fatality as well. And my big fear is, not really that she might die, but what this will do to Bob.

Fate is just so cruel. It's like life is just one big cliffhanger. Even though theres things like life expectancy, one day ,80 years can be shortened to a second. Human emotion just makes us,(and me right now for sure) want to blame someone.
It always makes it feel better. But there's no vengeance in blaming a disease. I want to blame the scientists, who took our money but still have no cure. I have to remind myself how hard they're trying. I want to blame God, and many people do.But when i think about it, if he saved everyone, life would have no purpose. Why look both ways when crossing the street if you know God will save you from the "evil" cars. Why bother having doctors and dentists, when you know God will heal every infection
Without death, we woudn't be able to build on ourselves. I think of it like a muscle, the only way for it to grow is if you tear it, overwork it. And then it grows back stronger. I think i've strayed from my original topic enough. The whole main point of this was just to try and make me feel better. And looking at it down on paper almost gives me a feeling of relief. Sometimes i feel like i live in a garbage sitcom, but then i realize it's too well written for that. And even though it seems unfair, theres a reason for everything. I may be more of "glass half empty" person, but today, i choose not to be. I choose to be understanding. Compassionite. Maybe, even though i may ever know, this could make me a better person.

I see this is a bit of endless ramble, and most people (if any) who see this will probably see it as some dumb kid
spamming all sorts of garbage they've seen before. And maybe i am. But if and when it happens to you, or anyone maybe then.

Maybe then you will understand.