I have been in high school for almost two years, and I still can’t believe I am actually in high school. I like this girl named “what’s her face” (to protect identity for the sake of my own embarrassment). She is nice, pretty, and overall has the most perfect personality possible. But I almost never talked to her, I mean, yeah I was a big old flirt and I made a ton of witty comments like “Hey I just got a call from heaven they want their angel back”. Yeah most of them are supposed to make her laugh. But we never really had conversations really, when it came to being myself it was like standing on mars while “what’s her face” was having a conversation about something I didn’t understand over on earth, it’s like she is saying “hey how are you” and I was saying in some foreign Martian language “glubstraft norabart” which translates to “Where is the nearest bathroom I have a major nosebleed” or something else awkward and unusual.
I once had this dream about this girl who I met out by this oak tree, she was relaxing in the shade and it was a really hot day so I decided to join her. While I was sitting there I saw her face, I was hard to remember because it was a dream but I do remember that she had blond hair and a subtle smile as she stared at the waving leaves, I asked her what are you looking at she said “the leaves on this tree”. I said to her “I kind of like the way they brush against other leaves and make a big brushing noise”. She said “Yeah like a big orchestra working together to play music conducted by the wind” I looked at her for a few seconds and told her “That was absolutely poetic”. She laughed. I lay down beside her and we both watched as the leaves played their music. I told her “I wonder what the leaves would say if they could talk” She told me “they would probably say something like “Hey quit pushing” and “You’re in my personal bubble””. We both laughed and I said “The tree would probably say “hey, cut it out you guys I’m trying to get some sleep” and he would drop all the leaves in the fall so that he could get some sleep in the winter” We both laughed again, we laughed and laughed and then we eventually stopped. We looked at the trees for a little while longer and then looked at each other, I smiled and then she smiled at me back, all of a sudden I felt a big heaviness in my chest at the same time I felt so light that I could jump to the moon. I didn’t have a clue, I am still unsure but that may have been my first experience with love, and it happened to be a dream so yeah, whether I wanted or not, for a moment in time I had an involuntary imaginary girlfriend. And It was weird.
Now I bet you know what is going to happen from this point on, so cheesy and predictable of a story with a happily ever after that makes people puke by how cheesy it was, so cheesy that if it was a food it would be a cheese covered cheese cube on a tooth pick dipped in a 3 cheese blend fondue covered in a cheesy spread with some cheese spray cracker spread on top. The ending would make a lactose intolerant person flatulent for weeks. And you would be right. Welcome to dairy land.
I was at school near the end of the year and my teacher “Who’s her what” was teaching class. I was wondering what to do, “What’s her face” had a boyfriend already and I had a literal “dream date” that I couldn’t get of my mind. I decided to try and get them both off my mind by distracting myself, a class mate of mine “Running out of fake names” was working on a project with me. I started talking to her about the project, and we were making a stop frame movie. We were talking about other things that the movie reminded us of. Every time we made a mistake we started laughing about it, and we talked about Star Wars and Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, it was like being in “nerd-vana” Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Sorry that joke never gets old. Any ways we talked all class, I talked and talked and talked and I didn’t stop talking, I had to keep that weird dream of my mind. The bell rang and I went to lunch, I decided to sit down with my new friend, we were in the middle of a conversation about lord of the rings. I sat and talked to her and we laughed all lunch, after that the weird dream didn’t come to mind again.
One day at school about a month later a few weeks before school was out I was eating lunch with my new friend and we were talking about are siblings, we were on the topic of how much they annoy us. I made a comment about my sisters being thing one and thing two, we both laughed and I looked at her and smiled, she looked at me and smiled back. And Blah, blah, blah cheesy love line, true story, life purpose, and two free tickets to cheese land HOORAY! But no, it wasn’t like that. Shure I had realized I had fallen in love, but I hated myself for it. I literally did not want to be in love with “Running out of fake names”. I thought that our friend ship was the greatest thing in my life, but if I fell in love with her than Our friend ship would turn awkward and it would turn awkward fast. I feared in my head, I would choke up every time I would talk to her just like I did with “What’s her face”. And if I told her then she would always look at me differently than her friend, she was my best friend and I didn’t want to lose her. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t love her, and that I would get over it like I did with everyone else. But I didn’t, I couldn’t, my heart wouldn’t let me, and once again I was forced into a slightly less awkward involuntary love, at least that dream would be forever out of my head. I didn’t get any sleep that night.
The next morning, I went to school and tried to pretend that love wasn’t there but on the inside I was screaming my awkward cheese covered love to the world, I was in class with my friend again and I tried talking to her and to my surprise it wasn’t awkward, it was just like any other day, only every time we talked I fell more and more in love and not a mushy cheese love, not a do anything for you love, not a perfect fairy tale love, just a love that made me smile, like I could just stay in that class for an eternity. Now this story should have a time where everything goes wrong, but That would be a lie to this true story, I may have edited the truth for cheesiness but it is still the truth. But even though I told you the truth, I still hadn’t told “Running out of fake names” the truth, I couldn’t hide it for long, I am a terrible liar. So I told her, but of course It wasn’t without a plan and rehearsal, I told her that I loved her like I was talking about someone else. “Hey, I have a question, I like this girl and I don’t know how to tell her, I am afraid that If I tell her then our friend ship will get awkward and weird and that is the last thing I want because she is my best friend.” She told me that she didn’t know what I should say. Later after the bell as we were walking to lunch while we were alone I told her who I was talking about, she told me that she already guessed that I did. She just strait up said it. Being a male I have no idea what that means, women have a funny way of keeping us guessing. Or maybe it only means that she already knew, nothing more, maybe she was the one who didn’t know what to say, so many maybes and so little certainty’s. I was still talking, asking her questions and like a fool I expected answers, but as we approached our other friends at the table she told me to not to talk about it. I have no problem with telling others. But I assume that she doesn’t want me to so I keep it a secret. But she did mention it again once, in my year book she signed it, “I hope you have a great summer, and I really enjoyed talking to you, even if it was “weird”.” So I assume that what she said means that even though she knows I like her, our friendship will never be awkward. Yes, little celebratory party in my head.
Sure I may never be sure of how she feels, but I know that we will always be friends. I guess that may be an anti-climactic ending, no happily ever after in dairy land, but for me this is almost the best ending possible. Being friends with “Running out of fake names” Is way better than dating “what’s her face” ever would have ben.