I Hate You | Teen Ink

I Hate You

October 31, 2016
By oliviadayy SILVER, Wyckoff, New Jersey
oliviadayy SILVER, Wyckoff, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Summer was her favorite time of year. The sun was always shining, her friends were always around, and she never left the comfort of the ocean and the sea breeze. Her heart belonged to summer. Her long and wavy light brown hair naturally highlighted from the sun and her skin was left not tan, but slightly sun-kissed. She refrained from wearing the face of makeup she applied everyday of the school year, even though most believed it was not necessary due to her big ocean blue eyes that stood out enough to distract from her salt-dried lips and un-contoured cheeks. She was not a petite girl in any form of the word but she carried her tall and muscular body around with such ease and grace, the possibility of her possessing an insecure perspective of herself was overlooked.


During that summer, at least one friend was attached to her hip at all times. She liked the feeling of being loved by her peers, friends, and anyone else that wanted her love in return. She didn’t know who he was this summer, nor did she care to find out. He was a stranger, like most other people in the world. Though, without the end of her long summer nights, she would have never possessed the need to love him.


The day they met was a sweltering hot summer day. The classrooms were filled with complaining students that breathed a sigh of relief every time the sound of the bell filled the school. No one wanted to be there. Every student raced to the empty spot next to the familiar faces in class; these two did the same. The day was already agonizing even though the ringing of the bell was only the third of the day. The teacher entered and rallied off the names in alphabetical order. Slowly, the small groups of friends that had formed were pulled apart. Longing faces reentered the pair of friends who would never be sat together because of the unfortunate event of their names being on opposite ends of the alphabet.


That’s when they met.


Their names called one after the other, an event they would recall to this day that seemed so unimportant when it happened. A smile was exchanged between the two but nothing more. Until, he said it. He said “hi.” Hi: the beginning of their first conversation.


Most days that followed in that first month were a blur, but one thing was for sure, they spoke. More and more each day, the two conversed over the little things, getting to know any and every detail about one another. Laughs and smiles were communicated throughout not just the period, but the entire day. A run in in the hallway would result in yet another conversation; and another in café. They grew closer. 


One day, a day she wore a sweatshirt and leggings as he continued life in shorts, she said it.


“I hate you.” They were the more endearing words anyone could hear spoken from her lips. An arm punch was exchanged quickly thereafter and their day went on it seemed to him, as normal: but not to her. She felt different.


The leaves that had fallen off the newly colored trees scattered the top of the concrete. Due to the rain from the night before, the leaves in the street that had been driven on over and over again were soon stuck to the road like a temporary tattoo. Meanwhile, the sidewalks seemed to be overflowing with freshly fallen leaves that still had left over dew droplets placed sporadically over them. They were untouched. The road to school seemed long, and first and second period felt even longer. As the rain picked up again outside, no light was emitted from the windows that surrounded the room. He wasn’t in class. She was not alone but she felt as if she was. The clock ticked and every minute without him there felt like a year to her. The world stood still. Then he entered. A smile was plastered on his face. He couldn’t have been happier. The rain slowly came to a stop as class continued. That week was yet another week devoted to making them both happy: another week of sunshine.


Jackets were soon needed at all times of the day. Snow was the only thing most students hoped for. Snow would mean snow days. Snow days were the one-day, middle-of-the-week break that everyone needed and would only be possible during the short season of winter. But a snow day; a day away from school; a day away from him; was the last thing she wanted. She loved the snow, but loved being around him more.


The winter days brought sharp cold winds that whipped regularly throughout the weeks. These days were now spent with the upmost friendly conversations and many personal secrets. She couldn’t believe they had gotten this close. He, the boy who was sent from her dreams, was not only living in her presence, but also choosing to spend time with her. As a result of the daily conversations, fights were bound to happen. Each argument, though, grew to worsen. She chose to ignore the real feelings that were in the forefront of her mind to protect the bond they created that she valued so much. Not much seemed to go right for her, but for him, even though sometimes it may have been hard, his world kept spinning, as hers stopped.


Her love for him grew in layers, like the clothes on their backs. It was the most familiar feeling yet one she had never felt before. Not much could change her mind on the way she felt. Then, on the coldest of winter days, a fight broke out between them. They stood in the school, word vomit of contradicting opinions spewing out of each of their mouths, speaking over one another in hopes the other would stop to listen. Neither of them ever stopped.
“I hate you.”


No more words were exchanged, nor did any need to be. They both exited the building alone. The air was so cold that anytime spent out there could give someone frost bite. But still, there she stood, alone, with not only her nose, but also now her heart, frostbitten.


The short break went by very quickly. The bittersweet arrival back to school was an uncomfortable and a highly anticipated one. This day, when they arrived back to the most familiar of places, was a day of many emotions. She was flustered; pacing back and forth so quickly her feet could have set fire from the friction of her Converse and the gym floor. He entered.


“Hi.”


Using this word to begin a conversation for the two was expired, but there wasn’t anything else they could say.
The days of that week warmed up. Each day, the temperature got closer and closer to shorts weather. Cheers would fill the hallways when the temperature went from the 50os to the 60os. The two would cheer too. The day it hit 70o was an unforgettable day. All students wore shorts and the two seemed to be back to where they used to be, laughing and chatting normally. They both chose to ignore the past and continue as best of friends.
“I hate you.”


She, laughing, punched his arm again and began to walk away. To her, the conversation was over. He stopped her in her tracks. His hand grasped on her arm hard enough, it seemed, to control her from running away. Little did he know, the last thing she wanted to do was leave the close proximity of the conversation.


“I met a girl.”


She changed her mind. She was ready to run; sprint actually.


He explained this girl to her is detail, his eyes lighting up and a new aura of light surrounding him. She could tell he was happy: very, very happy.


“But I love you,” she responded, except it came out as, “She sounds perfect. I’m happy for you.” She couldn’t have been unhappier.


He was alive with excitement. Every story he told about the new girl was spoken as if it was the greatest story ever spoken. He felt it, she could tell.


The sun was high in the sky for weeks on end, never seeming to go away. The two had never been closer. Every day was a new adventure for them. She listened as he told her about the rare summer nights he spent alone with his girlfriend and she acted as if is she liked the girl too. He and her talked, every night, about a new subject. The conversation never went stale. Best friends; it’s what they were.


She never assumed the person she had become so close to, trusted, and loved, would be the person who would hurt her the most. 


She pretended not to notice the signs. The bond was still close but she couldn’t help to think deeper about the words coming out of his mouth. He knew what he was doing. Around and around, tighter and tighter, she was wrapped around his finger, just the way he wanted her to be. What she soon came to realize, just the way he wanted every girl to be. She still loved him. She couldn’t help herself. Just as well as her heart knew to beat it also knew to love him. It wasn’t listening to her head.


The final week of summer, the girlfriend was out of the picture and all seemed to be the way it should. The sun shone down on the roads of the towns they walked day in and day out. She loved him and he knew it very well. Lies spewed out of his mouth regularly. Her head knew the whole time what her naïve heart disagreed.


The last day of summer, an unfamiliar storm hit. The thunder was tremendous and the rain came down hard.


“I met a girl.”


Few words came to her mind.


“It’s not me. It never will be. I know that now. Please leave me out of it.”


But somehow it all came out as, “I hate you.”



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