He laid on the bed, a mere 90-pound skeletal frame, bald, eyes closed, breathing his last breaths.  Each breath was a struggle and a moment of intense anticipation for our family who was circled around him. Inhale. Pause. Exhale. The pattern continued for hours on end, his bony chest rising and falling every 5 seconds.  C’mon Baba. Breath, I thought to myself.  Don’t give up.  Yet, despite my hopes of continuous breaths and a resurgence of vitality, the battle was already lost.  My Grandfather would soon be in heaven.  Throughout my adolescent years, I had heard of people diagnosed with cancer, yet never imagined it one day impacting myself or someone I knew.

As a 14-year-old freshman in high school, I had been going through life in what I would consider a normal childhood, full of experiences focusing on what a typical freshman prioritized: acquiring the cutest girlfriend, the highest GPA, or the most athletic talent.  However, one night following a routine day at school, I received shocking news that would forever forge who I am as a person.  In the midst of tears and sobs, my mother choked out the words, “Honey…. Baba was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer today.”  Suddenly, the world that I had been navigating and attempting to master fought back. Immediate research of pancreatic cancer brought me a horrifying statistic “only 5% of all patients live more than five years once diagnosed.”  Panic, fear, and anxiety washed over me like a tsunami.  Cancer had infiltrated my life.  Now, what was once perceived as a far off, remote possibility, was a daily reality. 

Following the diagnosis came waves of foreign experiences and vocabulary.  Multiple visits to the hospital, ICU, and meetings with various medical professionals became the norm, while words such as chemotherapy, dialysis, radiation, and drugs I can’t even pronounce accumulated in my brain. As chemotherapy treatment began, my Grandpa proceeded to lose weight, hair, strength, and cognitive ability.  Other issues arose internally: digestive problems, kidney failure, and appetite loss; all side effects hindering the path to beat cancer. 

Why did it have to be this way?  I was being exposed to the harsh reality of what a terrible disease can bring.  The spry, physically strong 180-pound Grandpa I once knew had transformed into a weak man composed of skin and bones.  After seven grueling months, filled with ups and downs, moments of hope, and moments of despair, my Grandpa lost his battle.  The pattern of inhale-exhale was finally interrupted by an eerie silence.  No breath was taken.

While this may be a story of pain, loss, and suffering, it has significantly influenced whom I am today.  I was going through life with a sense of naivety that was altered to a heightened sense of awareness for self and others through this experience of adversity.  What used to be a youthful, one-dimensional mindset, has now been vastly expanded into awareness for others and the importance of having relevance and purpose in life.  My Grandpa’s battle is a path I do not wish upon anyone, yet unfortunately, every trip to the hospital I saw others facing the burden of cancer.  It wasn’t just my Grandpa; on the hospital floor were young fathers, mothers, wives, sons, and daughters, all fighting a similar battle.  

Through this journey, my eyes have been opened to the realities of cancer. Rather than coasting through life, oblivious to the efforts put forth to solve a cure, I am now better aware of where the passion behind those voices sprout and that perhaps they too have been impacted by the disease. In the Bible, the book of Proverbs states, “Iron sharpens Iron.”  It has been three years since my Grandpa has passed away, and as I continue to grow into a young adult, I recognize not only successes but also times of adversity can build character and further shape who I am as a person.  This life experience has been influential in forging my path from adolescence to adulthood by causing me to be a more aware individual who has a stronger sense of compassion and understanding on life and the issues people face every day.