It took me a very long time to realize that even though you'd left this Earth, you hadn't left me.
     

I agonized for God knows how long over your absence, cried myself to sleep and woke up numb for days turned weeks turned months and months. I couldn't comprehend how one could find joy in a life from which their other half was missing- I didn’t want to. I looked everywhere for some kind of solace or guidance- nature, religion, meditation. . .
     

I did some very deep searching inside my broken soul, trying to make peace with my new life. What I found was, at my core, I still wasn't accepting that you were gone. A part of me still hoped against hope that I'd find you upstairs in the morning, when I came home at night. A part of me still thought I would find you sitting on the couch one day, happy and oblivious to your absence, and we could be together again, finally be done with this soul-wrenching nightmare. A bigger part of me just wanted to see you one more time, hold you just one more time. . .
     

But you're not coming back, not like that. I will never see you on the couch again, never see you upstairs when I wake up. Your body is gone, and I cannot keep wishing it back. I believe this is the hardest part in losing a loved one and trying to heal: truly accepting what has happened.

Yes, it is true. Your body is gone and I will never, ever get to feel the warmth of your hugs again.
     

But the truth is, you are not gone. Once I have let go of desiring your physical being, I realize that your spiritual being has never left. You still cheer at my achievements, comfort me in my sadness, I just can't see you anymore:  I can feel your presence, your soul. In fact, now you are with me often. Your soul is finally free to roam the entire Universe, although I know you come back to me quite a lot. Now I can talk to you anytime I want.
     

So with tears in my eyes and a smile on my lips, I accept that you are physically gone, forever. I also accept that you are still with me, and I will continue to talk with you as in the old life. And I will still cry over you sometimes, because it is only human nature. But I will live my life knowing that you are still by my side, and will always be.
     

And that is how I found solace in losing my world.