When you are around people, always filling your time and living, you never notice the small hole of void building up within you. You see, that hole keeps growing a little bit more each day, and you never feel it while it grows and gets nurtured by seconds of reminiscing, the loss of small yet usual habits, and the lack of presence of the people who were once the center of your life. It just keeps on growing until it festers inside you, and then: emptiness and void.

Emptiness and void become your reality, they become you and they consume your mind and soul. You realize that you are, in fact, alone. Those people who used to shine so bright all around you are no longer with you, and all they left in their wake is a shadow and you are now surrounded by pitch black darkness, ready to do whatever it may take to get that light back to your life.

Then you are alone, in nothing but silence. That silence opens the gates for the thoughts to crawl out of where they hid, thoughts that are feverishly waiting to state themselves and claim you. The sad part is, when they have been pent up for too long, you can’t stop them. Like a game of wrestling, you lose your fight and they stake their claim over you and flood you with feelings.

You are left with tears. You cry so hard, hoping that maybe those tears will scrub away some of that darkness, that it will somehow fill that empty hole that has festered in your soul. But the darkness isn’t something that can be ‘scrubbed’, and that empty hole has a drain in its end, and no matter how much you try to fill it with anything (tears, people, laughter, and doing things), they eventually go down the drain. Even if for some moments you do feel less empty, you realize that it was nothing more than a build-up caused by a clog that people who care about you have put to stop the draining, but in the end, the small clogs are not enough and almost everything goes down that damned drained, and you are empty again.

P.S.: I want to thank the people who contributed in placing those clogs. You did help me a lot even if you did not notice that you were actually doing so.