Dear Society,

“Just be yourself!” Is a quote I hear at least once a week by a friend, parent, teacher, or coach. What exactly does this phrase mean? To me, it means be unique and don’t conform; to society it’s a cover up for a life full of judgement for doing what you love. Society says, “be unique” but what they really mean is “be just like everyone else”. This may seem contradictory, and you’re right, it is.

During my lifetime, I have wondered what normal really is. Growing up, I was always told to be myself, and that seemed to be a widely accepted rule, until I became a teenager. If someone gets all A’s, they’re a nerd; if someone gets failing grades, they’re a loser. If someone wears second-hand clothes, they’re poor; if someone wears expensive clothes, they’re stuck up and snotty. What I have come to realize is that everyone is constantly in fear of rejection, whether they realize it or not. This has especially been a heavy burden for me because it only seems right to try to make everyone happy and meet their standards.

As I rummage through my closet at 6:00 am, I think to myself “What would everyone think of this outfit? Is it too bland? Too different? Too unstylish?” I go through this struggle daily, in fear of being silently (or even verbally) judged in the hallway at school. I hear snickers in the hallway and I can’t help but think that they’re laughing about me. But slowly, over time, I have come to realize that no matter how hard I try to conform, someone is bound to think that I am weird. Although I have realized this, it doesn’t make it any easier. This burden will stay with me forever, sometimes it may be a small thought in the back of my mind; sometimes it may consume all of the thoughts in head.

As I walk the halls of my high school, I hear the girls in front of me gossiping about what the girl in their English class was wearing, and a few football players joking about the “weird” boy in their lunch. Many people wouldn’t give this kind of gossip a second thought because it’s just “normal teenage stuff”, but I think of it has people making fun of others for doing/wearing what they want to. You may think it’s the “weird boy” who struggles with fear of rejection, but it isn’t; it’s the people act and dress like society wants them to, so they won’t get made fun of people like themselves. Part of me is glad that I’m not the only one who carries this weight, but I also would never want to give this weight to anyone else, because it really is something that you have to live with constantly; an intangible weight that is strapped to my back and is extremely stressful, but I have yet to figure out how to completely get rid of it.

“Normal” has a different definition to everyone depending on their own style and interests. I try to base my decisions on what others will think of me, and I wish it wasn’t that way. Fear of rejection is a tough thing to carry around because even though it is a heavy weight, nobody notices the struggle I go through. I suppose I chose to carry this weight myself, but I feel as though society has forced me to. If I didn’t have fear of rejection, I would have more freedom in my life, and a weight would be lifted off my shoulders.

Overall, society has changed my daily life for the worse. There is a silver lining in everything though, and I believe the silver lining in this situation is that it pushes me to think beyond what society wants, and just be myself, no matter how hard that may be.

Sincerely,

A typical teenage girl