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Goodbye

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Goodbye. I never knew that it would be so hard to say... but somewhere deep down inside of me, I know that this is so much more than a simple goodbye; it's letting go of the past fourteen years of my life while watching you move on with yours. In a matter of weeks, you'll walk across the stage in your cap and gown, and with a smile on my face, tears streaming down my cheeks, I'll let you go, gripping tightly to the sweet memories of the past; the “good old days” when life seemed to be so much simpler because I had you and knew that everything would be okay. You make me feel safe and happy, and being your little sister, you've always been my role model. Even though I sometimes complain about being younger than you, secretly I'm glad that I have you to look up to, and I know I'll never forget those precious years we had together. I'll never forget the sound of you laughter or your twinkly eyes; the way you used to always laugh at my jokes or your big dimpled smile. From our early childhood days when mom would dress us in matching outfits, to early high school mornings, driving to school and singing to the radio... these are moments that I will cherish forever; fragile memories I pray will never be lost.

There's a picture of you and me sitting on my desk from when I was probably two years old. We are wearing matching blue floral dresses and your arm is wrapped around me. I have a grin on my face that reaches my eyes and every time I glance at that picture, I can't help but remember that long ago spring morning, wishing that if I could go back to that fairytale day, even just for a minute, I'd take the opportunity without a blink of an eye. It's funny how good moments in life come and go before we even realize how good we had it. That's how I feel about you. Yes, I've always loved you and known you were a good sister, but I don't think I understood how truly blessed I am to have you, until I heard the word “college” come out of your mouth. That's when the realization hit. You're leaving. We all grow up one day and move on with our lives, but I cringe every time I think about how your day is only moments away.

There are so many things I love about you. You know just how to cheer me up and make me smile on a bad day. You can make me laugh until my side hurts, but you also know how to set me straight when I have a sour attitude. You are my shoulder to cry on, the person I trust most with my secrets, and so much more than a best friend. I never did realize how much I'm going to miss that... but now, my heart breaks every time I hear the word “college” mentioned or see you making preparations for next year. Even though I'll be saying goodbye for now, I know that the pain of this change will ease with time and with the moments of fun I look forward to having with you. My tears will dry as we spend weekends laughing together, telling secrets, and enjoying each others company... just how things used to be. My sadness will resolve over time as we settle into a new norm. I know that eventually everything will be okay, but as for now, I can't help the sorrow inside me, knowing that each tic of the clock is only drawing us closer to the day when we will have to say that terrible, heartbreaking word. Goodbye.




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