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Heartbroken

Dude look I’m sorry if I won’t ask to this dance but I think we're too young to pair up anyway.

I started at the computer my eyes glued to message. I could feel the cold sweat roll down my brow, and my finger clenched tightly on my mouse.

I totally agree, it’s stupid how kids are so obsessed with dating in middle school.

My fingers flew over the keyboard, punching the keys harder than necessary. The mouse hovered uncertainly over the send button. I reread the email, it sounded like another girl speaking, the carefree words covering the hurt behind it. I pushed send wondering in disgust who I was becoming, what had happened to that stubborn, headstrong person I used to be.

I felt another throbbing headache starting, my knee ached, and the bruises on my ankle shot up little spurts of pain. I was a mess. I knew I had way too much going on between sports, music, homework, and friends, I barely had moment to myself. When had I become like this? I realized how hard I often pushed myself too extreme, but I’d never let myself sink so far before. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes mentally going back over the last year.

I saw myself twirling triumphantly the Hershey Track Meet trophy held high above my head; I felt the competition, the pressure, as I shot for the goal; I watched as I blew off steam running down dusty trails; I remembered the exhaustion as my fingers found notes on the piano that formed seemingly endless songs; I knew that jealously as I pushed a pencil across my paper drawing features I only dream about. Suddenly the memories seemed to stop, I could feel the invisible barrier I had automatically thrown up. I felt an emptiness, yet I refused to think, to remember what had happened to me on that day. I stared at the bright computer screen, I let myself see the words, the lies that I had become.

For the first time since that day I let myself cry, hot, salty tears pouring down my cheeks. I trusted Lee and he’d broken my heart, and I realized I was afraid of that happening again. I took a deep breath pulled out my wallet and slowly unfolded the picture. It was cool to the touch, my fingers sliding over the glossy surface. His arm was slung casually over my shoulder, my head thrown back laughing. I rubbed my thumb softly against the picture, and smiled. Carefully I tore a line straight down the center, separating the two of us. I knew that I would always remember Lee as the kind, funny, talented person he was, but I also knew it was time to move on.

I turned and opened my email back up, it was time to set things right



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