Dear Ma and Papa | Teen Ink

Dear Ma and Papa MAG

December 13, 2012
By Anonymous

I love you. You know that. I hope that you love me too, but I'm not sure. You may want to know why. You gave me a beautiful brother. I'm grateful for that.
But the thing is, I hate you, too. I hate you for what you do to me. You underestimate me. You want better grades. You want me to dress like a girl. You think my brother is better in every aspect. Because he brings better grades. And because he doesn't answer back. That's because he's stupid. Stupid not to answer you back, even when you're wrong.

I answer you back when you're wrong. You want me to be a better person. I am a better person. Better than you, because you think that I'm stupid when I help someone. On the other hand, you tell me to help others. Now that is stupid!

You think I'm useless when I don't get good grades. You think I don't try hard enough. But I do what I'm capable of. And I'm not useless. I know I don't talk to my relatives nicely; I am an average student; I leave the lights on when I leave a room; I don't dress properly; I'm not social and don't mix well with people; my room is messy; I'm rude to our housemaid; I have bad handwriting. You think everybody around me uses me to get their work done, and you also say that I'm hopeless. You want me to be on top of the world, but I can't be. Why can't you just accept me as I am?

I'm not useless. “Useless” is obviously not a good term to describe your only daughter. It really breaks my heart to feel that you hate me. I bet I'm going to be a better parent than you. And I hope that you don't kill me before that.

You want me to be a doctor, right? You say it's good to save lives. But have you asked me how I want to be? No. And that's selfish.

You don't like what I do – you've never liked what I do – but NEWSFLASH: you don't have to! I'm not hurting or killing myself or anything. I'm just doing what I need to do: writing and singing. Is that bad? I'm not a very good writer. Maybe I don't have the best skills. But I can improve. And I want to improve. But you won't encourage me.

Right before I sleep, I make up all these perfect scenarios of how I want my life to be – but then it hits me. My life is nothing like I want it to be. This is my life. Not yours. You have lived your lives, and you are both set. You have what you wanted. Aren't you going to let me live mine?

I try my best to please you. I even try my best to outshine my brother. I just can't.

I can't say this to your face, because I can't bear to hear you tell me not to answer back yet again. So, all I can do is write. I'm sick, I'm tired; sometimes I wish I did not exist. No matter how long I sleep, I wake up feeling tired and sad and helpless.

I don't know why I still love you. And I really do love you, Ma and Papa.

Just for once, please let my best be good enough.

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This article has 15 comments.

houston SILVER said...
on Jan. 8 2015 at 9:56 am
houston SILVER, Joburg, Other
6 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't know about life, there is too much to it...

i feel the same way, and you nearly moved me to tears, i feel parents never want to listen to children and always think there're better, just because they are older and more fond of the world! it angered me and great that you spoke out through something you love! keep living the you want. ;)

Klammyt GOLD said...
on May. 19 2013 at 6:42 pm
Klammyt GOLD, San Diego, California
17 articles 1 photo 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Remember you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
-Christopher Robin to Pooh

Amazing and beautiful. I loved the rushed writing– it made me feel like you were actually speaking. Great, amazing job.

Tizzy BRONZE said...
on May. 18 2013 at 10:17 am
Tizzy BRONZE, Dhaka, Other
2 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
I sleep to much, parents complain. I sleep less, parents complain. I go out too much, parents complain. I don't go out too much, parents complain. I play games too much, parents complain. I play games less, parents complain. I CANT WIN!

This. Is. Awesome. It's totally me. And deep!  

on May. 16 2013 at 12:54 am
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 149 comments
Haha, thanks... this is me, Cookiemonster24 ;) 

on Apr. 23 2013 at 2:11 pm
cryokinetic4325 BRONZE, Cayce, South Carolina
1 article 3 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
the pen is mightier than the sword

so damn deep

on Dec. 30 2012 at 3:38 am
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 149 comments
Thank you. It means a lot. Especially from you.

on Dec. 29 2012 at 2:15 am
ForeverMystery GOLD, Toronto, Other
11 articles 0 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Your awesome girl and you described every teenager's feelings very well....Keep up the good work.

on Dec. 29 2012 at 1:14 am
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 149 comments
Thank you! :)

Picus. said...
on Dec. 28 2012 at 8:35 am
Seriously, this entirely describes my feelings. You did a great job. <3

on Dec. 21 2012 at 11:32 pm
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 149 comments
Am I? Thanks so much. That means a lot to me. <3

on Dec. 21 2012 at 11:18 pm
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 149 comments
Haha. I'm glad it did.

on Dec. 21 2012 at 10:03 pm
everybody-needs-some-body-to-love, Tulsa, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:

o my godness tht was amazing  that was ugh i have no words to reminds me of me and my smart azz brother i truly loved hun. <3  

on Dec. 21 2012 at 10:02 pm
AlwaysAntlers SILVER, Kingsport, Tennessee
5 articles 0 photos 72 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Don't forget - no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.”
― Charles de Lint, (from his book,The Blue Girl)

This is pretty darn friggin amazing. I think that everyone feels this way, even if they dont feel it as strongly. Also, you're wrong,  I think your a pretty good writer. Great job, keep it up!

on Dec. 21 2012 at 9:54 pm
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 149 comments
Thank you so much! :)

on Dec. 21 2012 at 9:37 pm
CheyenneisnotanAngel BRONZE, Little River, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I can't tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying please everyone." ~ Ed Sheeran

I really like it and I understand how hard it is to talk to parents. My mom yells a lot and is in a situation right now where I want to steer clear of her anger so I like how you're letting out your feelings but you're trying to steer clear of the anger. Great job!