“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean it, please listen to me.”
That’s all I kept hearing, little did Matt know.. I was done. He looked so dumb, standing outside my house. (1) He reminded me of a little puppy wanting a treat from his owner.
Crying, Matt had finally realized what he had lost. I didn’t sorry for him, along with the tears streaming down his face.
I launched my response to his plead with “You’re trying to apologize, but you’re so ugly when you cry.”
Harsh? Maybe a little, but I was tired of people not standing up for themselves. Yes, I was more outspoken than most people, so it was in my personality for me to say something.
“You are only sorry because your games were discovered, Matt. You’re lying and cheating has made me recognize that the award for the best liar goes to you,” I continued on.
Thunder started rolling in, I was shaking. Not because I was cold. But I was sad and filled with a sea of emotions; I had started doubting myself, wondering what I did wrong.
I was always told to never let someone degrade you, which on the outside I didn’t. But I was on the inside. (2) My heart was beating fast, like when you feel like you cannot breathe but don’t know why. But I knew why, it was because I knew I needed to stand my ground but I was scared of what reaction would come out of it.
Grabbing my hands, Matt looked at me. Bringing back all of our good and bad memories I had been trying to forget. (3) I remembered how I used to become nervous, like those butterfly feelings in my stomach when I would see him. All I could do, was think “how did this get so bad?” Now that, was a question I don’t think either of us could answer.
“I don’t know what else to say, except that I am sorry I hurt you, I really am. And if you let me prove it to you I can show you that I have changed and I would never let this happen again. Are you willing to do that for me?” Matt pleaded.
I felt like I was just rambling on, but in reality I was not saying anything. (4) I let go of his hands and crossed my arms across my body, as if hugging myself would protect me from him.
“I cannot do this anymore. You have broken me down at one of my hardest times in my life. I was there for you when you needed me but yet you were not able to hold up your end of the bargain. I still have feelings for you, but right now I need my space from you. I always had a gut feeling that this would not work when you wanted to hide this thing we had in the first place, (5) that just made me feel like you were ashamed of me and that I was nothing to you.”
Staring into his eyes, I could see his mood change He knew he was caught. I was feeling a whole new world of emotions. I knew I had done the right thing and although it will take a while to become familiar with not communicating with someone who you used to care about and call “your best friend” I felt like I was free. For once, I could just focus on me, which is what I had needed for so long.
Matt just kept staring at me, I knew that he would have tried harder but I didn’t know if it was going to be enough for me at this point. He kept staring, and I saw tears come to his eyes.
“Take a bow.” Was the last thing I said to him, and walked into my house.