Loneliness

October 7, 2012
Imagine yourself walking alone down an endless pathway, with only pain and emotional suffering as you continue the search for happiness and comfort. When I came to Pennsylvania, leaving behind my friends and family, I became very lonely because I never knew anyone, and was ignored by others in my school. I would just stay buried in magazines and books; slowly but surely, I was becoming a depressed and introverted. Loneliness depressed me, because it made me jealous of people who weren’t lonely. Loneliness made me sad, and therefore, made me lose any ounce of confidence I had left.
Loneliness made me jealous of people who weren’t lonely because I thought that I didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. I pictured myself as a very kind, caring and loving person and it came to me as a shock when people didn’t recognize that right away. As I walked down the empty hallway desperately longing for friends, I saw three kids going to the movies. Seeing this, I remembered the good old days when my friends and I used to go an hour early for the movies, and just play games or wander around. When we went for the movie, we would annoy the audience by screaming out our own commentary before being kicked out of the theater. After that brief flashback, I shed a tear, but quickly wiped it away so no one would think that I was “weak”. Jealousy burned within me like hot lava waiting to erupt. I envied everyone around me, including my sister who had been there for just a couple of months more than me…but she had already made a heap of friends. While wandering aimlessly around the park alone, I had an outburst of anger, and started screaming, asking what I had done to deserve this drastic downfall in my life; It wasn’t my fault that I was shy and reserved. I kept mindlessly dreaming of circumstances becoming better, although I felt that it was hopeless. Jealousy took over my world and my soul, leading to sadness.

Loneliness made me sad because I felt like I was all alone in this world, with no one caring about me. I felt like I was the flamingo in a flock of pigeons. Sometimes I just felt like ending this miserable life and going back to old ways, but I was reassured when I remembered the fact that I have survived many changes in my life, many of which were worse than my current situation. Jealousy led to sadness, because after a period of time, I felt pathetic and was ashamed of envying other people. Therefore, I tried to hide from loneliness, not realizing that I was only getting pulled into the dark and isolated world of loneliness.
Loneliness made me lose my confidence, because I found it harder to approach people and introduce myself, or even talk to people that I already knew. I lost confidence because I was scared that people would think that I was a sore loser and feel pity for me. Sadness lead to a loss in confidence, because the sadder I got, the more I would cry and lose self esteem. When I was writing an essay in class about loneliness, everyone started telling me that I should be able to write a lot about loneliness since I have been lonely, and that I don’t have any friends. This made it even worse for me, and my confidence was on a down hill roll.
Loneliness made me jealous of people who weren’t lonely, it made me sad, and hence, made me lose my confidence. The more you try to run away from loneliness, the more you get absorbed by it. Loneliness comes like rain. It can be stormy or mild, but eventually it fades away, leaving you with sunshine of friends that wipe out darkness.





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Nelu96 said...
Oct. 13, 2012 at 2:16 am
I can relate to this article cause i feel lonely a lot of times too. I am an introverted person and i don't have a very active social life. But every time i feel lonely, i always think of my family. Knowing that i have them makes the lonelyness melt away
 
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