When my dad had told me that he was placing me in rehab, I said no. Not only did I refuse to go through with the plan he had for my son and I, but I also ran away. I went missing for nearly four days. rehab was truly the last thing on my mind that I wanted for myself, only because I had absolutely no desire to stop smoking weed, ever.

I would tell myself that I was going to smoke weed for the rest of my life. I couldn’t seem to picture my life without it in there somewhere, and I felt like I’d rather screw up everything as long as I still had my weed. So, what I chose to do was run away, and smoke all the weed I wanted to before I went to rehab.

I had a very good friend named Ellie, and she was with me whole four days that I was gone. Deep inside of me, I knew what I was setting myself up for; I would lose the love of my life, my family, and the new family I was in the process of creating. But, I didn’t let myself think about that. I didn’t want to care about any of it.

Regina, her boyfriend and I rode all over Santa Rosa, avoiding the cops and anyone who might’ve been looking for me; anyone who would see me, and try to get me to go home. I normally kept my cell phone turned off, just in case anyone called asking me where I was, especially Steven – my boyfriend, the love of my life, the father of our unborn son. I missed him so much, and I knew that what I was doing was killing him inside. I remember wondering from time to time if he was even sleeping, or was he looking for me downtown in Santa Rosa… and then, the thoughts of common sense were silenced by cigarettes, marijuana, and very loud music.

I remember telling myself “I just want to have fun before he’s here. Weed won’t harm anything; I’m not doing anything wrong.” I had convinced myself with total bullshit, because I wanted to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to. I didn’t feel ready to be sober yet.

But one day, when I was at a park in Santa Rosa, with my friends smoking weed, I was in mid-conversation when all of a sudden I saw my dad with Steven at the park looking for me. I ran, fast. I ran as fast as I possibly could, to get away. Looking back on it, I wish I would’ve just ran towards Steven. Just ended it, but I didn’t know that it was about to be over soon.

I ran to the bus stop closest by, across from the junior college, and anxiously waited for the bus to arrive. I gave the bus my dollar and I rode the entire bus route, right back to where it left from. I got off the bus, and sat down. I told myself “Just go home, now.” Then, just when I was about to get on the bus that brought me to m house, I saw a truck similar to Steven’s dad’s truck. I told myself I was only paranoid, but that changed as soon as I saw Steven hop out of the passenger side and start running towards me. He ran at me as if I would’ve tried to run away from him. I didn’t run, though, I was done running. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I missed Steven so much, just seeing him get out of that truck kept me planted in the same spot. I didn’t move a muscle. I missed being in a bed that I knew, I missed being held by him at night as we slept, knowing that I was safe. I was relieved when he came up to me, and forced me into the truck. He was very angry in his voice, and in his actions, but his eyes were filled with sadness and relief. He was relieved to know that I wasn’t injured, or starving, or even dead. He was relieved that I was in that truck going to my house, and he was relieved that he could finally eat and sleep again, knowing that I was safe with him at home.

After that night passed, and the next day came, my dad called Kaiser immediately, to get me into rehab. Luckily, they had a bed open. I’ll tell you now, that if I hadn’t have gone to rehab, and made a commitment to being sober the rest of the pregnancy, I would be nowhere. I would be alone, stoned, and I wouldn’t have my son, or Steven and his family.

I thank God for letting Steven find me. He has changed my life for the better, I almost feel like I’m the absolute best I could ever be when I’m with him. And I never thought I could feel happy with myself again, until. Now that I have gone through the rehab program, my relationship with Steven is 1,000 times stronger than it ever was before. We plan on getting married within the next two to three years from now, and we both plan to stay together forever. He’s literally the best thing that has ever happened to me, and our son is our new beginning. I couldn’t have gotten to the place I’m in with myself, if I hadn’t have gotten sober.