The Worst Is Over Now

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I was four, I didn’t understand why you were here, only that you were. You were different from the rest of the family, I couldn’t understand what you were saying to me. You didn’t shove me aside like my own father did. You were so young to raise someone else’s child, You were not ready to be a father. I remember you taking my hand on a walk, I remember you said “I don’t know what will happen, but we can get through this, together.” I had no idea what you meant, and I didn’t know if I could trust you. You were new to me, we didn’t even speak the same language. Only time would tell how we’d get along.


I was seven, you were my best friend. You could speak English now, which made it easier on the both of us. You’d raise me up and tell me how important I was, that I was irreplaceable... That I was loved. You took me everywhere, gave me everything I needed, these weekend were the best for me. I didn’t have my parents or sister, but I had you. You made me feel important, that I wasn’t invisible. When I’d go over your house upset, you’d dry my tears and tell me the worst was over. I loved you so much, and still do. “I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow.” you told me when he would drop me off, tired of his duties of a father. You told the truth, he lied.


I was ten years old, and I ran away. He hit me for the last time, I needed to leave. I came straight to your home, my safe haven. You promised me you would protect me no matter what. When I knocked on your door frantically, you were shocked to see me there that late at night. You yelled at me for running away, I could’ve gotten hit by a car or abducted, ten year olds shouldn’t do that. I showed you the bruises, and looked up at you; You were silent. You called Mom to tell her I was there and safe, and came in “Your staying for the next few days.” I slept on the couch that night, crying myself to sleep. You sat by me all night on the floor and holding my hand, telling me it would never happen again and the worst is over now.



I was thirteen, and I was getting into more trouble at home. I became more independent and stronger, I felt fear of him leave. All you did was shake your head and smirk “What the hell am I going to do with you?” you asked, I didn’t have the courtesy to answer you though. I thought I was too tough to answer you now. I started pushing you away and turning to my friends more, you didn’t know why. You knew they came from bad families, you knew those girls and boys were trouble. When I’d come home smelling like alcohol and cigarettes, I didn’t realize how much it killed you on the inside. When I’d come home on a late Friday night with a black eye and cuts, you would panic. I didn’t understand why you were trying to ruin my fun, until you sat me down with tears in your eyes and begged me to stop. I never saw you with tears in your eyes and worry in your face. You cared too much for a child that wasn’t even your own, Why?


I was sixteen, things changed for the two of us. I was a Sophomore in high school, and you had never been so proud of me for my turn around. We didn’t know what he would do. Dad sat me down when I got home and old me the worst news I could ever hear. “I don’t want him in your life, as long as you live here you wont have anything to do with him.” that crushed me, I called you and you already knew. “The worst is over, and it will get better.” you promised me that.
I needed you more than ever, and you weren’t there. I had you for twelve years, I didn’t realize how much I would miss you until then. You never know what you have until it’s truly gone. March of that year, you were at my house waiting for me when I came from my first Prom. I cried when I hugged you, he stood in the house looking out the window disapprovingly, I didn’t care. “My girl… I knew you’d be a beautiful young lady.” You had more faith in me than my own parents did.


I am seventeen, almost eighteen now. I lost you twice in a matter of one year. I was heartbroken when you told me you had to go back to Italy to take care of your family. I didn’t know what to do, I lashed out at you saying you never cared about me or never loved me. I lied, I knew you did. You didn’t want to leave but you had to. Christmas eve was the last time I saw you, and it will forever scar me. We couldn’t make eye contact with each other it seemed, we knew what was coming. That final embrace was one I’ll never forget. I promised you I would stay strong and thanked you for being my Dad. You were crying, for the first time in thirteen years I saw you cry. “I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I’ll love you tomorrow.” you told me in my ear. If I knew that was the last time I’d be in your arms or the last time I’d hear your voice, I’d never let go.


I lost you on April 15th, 2012. I sat in school that day, waiting for the terrible news that you were gone. I prayed that you would pulled through despite what those doctors said. When I heard the news, I could do nothing but cry. My friends tried to help me out, but it couldn’t take the pain away. You were gone, and I never had a chance to say goodbye and tell you how much I loved you.
And here I stand tonight, by your final resting place halfway across the world to say my goodbye. There’s candles lit across the cemetery’s grass, and it’s lighting up the midnight sky. There’s red rose petals across the ground and I can hear the choir singing in the small church. There’s families at each plot, mourning their family members. I’m here tonight, saying the goodbye I was robbed of. I can’t believe it’s come to this, you’re life was cut way to short.


I loved you twelve years ago, I love you tonight, and I’ll love you forever.





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