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Mistakes

By , chicago, IL
It was the night before my 16th birthday and I woke up after having a dream that the guy I was dating and I broke up. I remember it perfectly. Begin told by others that we were breaking up, but then told that it was just a joke, everyone was kidding. When I woke up, I checked my phone to find many messages from people wishing me a happy birthday. That's something I always look forward to on my birthday. You don't only get happy birthday messages from people you know but also from nice people that just wish you well. The guy I was dating didn't wish me well. I didn't only get happy birthday messages, but also two missed calls from the guys sister. I called her even though it was late. The first thing she said to me was I'm sorry, are you okay? She explained to me that her brother broke up with me by changing his relationship status on Facebook. I was so confused at what was going on. I logged on to Facebook and when I saw his status I felt hurt. I kept getting happy birthday messages from random people. I called him. Anything I asked about his answer was "I don't know".

The messages kept coming and I kept crying, confused, hurt and I shock from something that happen so fast on that night before my birthday from someone who I thought I loved, I had no answers but so many questions, full of embarrassment and confusion about the dream I just had, not knowing what to do but cry until I fall asleep and maybe everything would just be another dream in the morning, but it couldn't be, these were real emotions and I have never felt hurt like this before, crushing me on all sides, emptying me of all and any happiness that was in me for those few seconds of birthday messages.

We met at the dancing competitions Saturday nights that our churches had. We would only see each other once a week since he lived far away, but we became close friends. He had a sister who I became close friends with too. Our parents grew up together and we had a lot in common. I thought I liked him and others thought we would be great together. He said he liked me too. We started dating, but our relationship was based on texting. I knew it wasn't right but I didn't think it was a big deal. We saw each other on Saturdays. Our friends thought we were nice together. I thought so too. He was nice to me. It was nice while it lasted. I never got my answer to why he ended it. I woke up the morning of my birthday to even more messages. I double checked everything just to make sure that it wasn't all just a dream. My friends asked me what had happen. But I didn't know how to answer them and it hurt so much to talk about and I didn't want to make him seem like a horrible person for doing it on my birthday and when I asked him again why he still didn't know, but I told myself that he was an asshole and that I shouldn't care and keep it too myself not make a big deal about it, but it was so annoying and confusing when I didn't know why, trying to hide my face and my emotions form my mom was so hard when she said happy birthday. All day I had been getting messages from people wishing me a happy birthday, but they had no idea how I felt, I wasn't happy. My friends came over that day. They couldn't believe it, but they thought I was fine because I said I was. I liked him though, I couldn't just stop. I had never felt worse than I did that day, on my birthday. I couldn't get use to the feeling of not talking to him when we messaged each other every day and all day. I felt empty as if he was my only friend.

He wasn't though, there were so many other people in my life and I told myself just not to think about it and that it's not my fault he's just crazy and stupid, my friends agreed with me and even his friends did too, but he was still on my mind all the time and I felt so depressed not knowing what to do with myself I just wanted to surround myself with people so that I wouldn't think about it and that's what I did and it helped, but it wasn't enough although I kept telling myself that eventually everything would pass and I'd be okay, I would forget about everything even the birthday that he ruined forever, but I was lost at that moment. He was a nice guy, but nobody understood why I did the thing I did. I don't even understand. We went out again. I felt stupid, but for some reason at that time I thought it would be okay to try again.

A few weeks passed from my birthday and by that time everyone was convinced that he was an asshole and they felt bad for me, but I didn't want them to feel bad for me I didn't speak with him since my birthday and I acted as if nothing had happened and that I have never been happier, knowing that he would be confused and probably feel even worse about himself, but he deserved to, I thought of myself more than just some girl that he could play around with I still liked him though. About this, nobody knew I hated myself for that. I thought I was crazy for even talking to him again. He apologized for everything, that meant nothing to me. If he wasn't a thoughtful, nice guy I wouldn't have missed what we had and wanted it back. He wanted it back too. He said he was stupid for doing what he did and he still didn't know why he did it. But don't they say that guys always say what you want to hear? I knew that but I didn't think twice when I agreed that we would go out again.

This was exactly what I didn't want, and on and off relationship that was stupid and pointless, but that exactly what I got and even though I could have said no and I thought about it for a long time and something made me do what I did, maybe it might have been the fact that if we went out again I would break up with him for revenge or it was that fact that I still liked him and missed talking to him, whatever it was I don't know but I know it was a mistake. We didn't out our relationship on Facebook because I didn't want to and only a few people knew about it. It was nice though. We would still talk and see each other on Saturdays. I thought it would be different this time. I thought it would last longer. I though he might have learned something. I though wrong.

We broke up again this time it was a mutual decision but no reason again. For other people it may be a normal thing to have an on and off relationship with someone breaking up and getting back together 12 times. For me it wasn't normal and it wasn't something I wanted. This time everything was different, I pushed him away and realized that all my feelings were gone, I realized that the whole thing was stupid, it was embarrassing for me maybe others didn't think so but I'm not that kind of person that just goes out with anyone, that's when I was happy and I didn't care anymore about what he did I told myself that we were just kids and it's true after that I truly believe that people can't love at my age, they may think it's love like I did, but really it's not, we are not mature enough for mature love and nothing else matters.

I learned that I can talk to a guy but never let myself think I love him not at this age. I felt stupid after everything but I was tested and I learned from my mistakes. I got much greater self confidence and will make sure that nobody treats me like that again. I don't know why people date at a young age, I tried it and it's not worth it. People my age are too stupid to realize that teenage relationship don't work out most of the time. That boy and I are friends now and have been ever since then because I can't hate anyone. I have nothing against him I just think he was dumb because it's been over a year now and he still likes me and wants to go out again. But I'm not stupid anymore. I've learned to act like a woman but think like a man. These days I think it's hard to find a nice guy but this one was really nice and good but he was stupid, like all guys are, he thought I'll always be there. Now I get happy birthday messages and I really am happy.





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