An earthquake shook up my perfect relationship, I feel unstable as my ground underneath me shakes. I run to my jewelry box that has fallen from my dresser. The locket you gave me lies on the ground, broken. I kneel down picking it up in pieces and look out my window to the dark green sky and feel comfort because I know the sky is feeling exactly how I am feeling. I lay alone in bed in the pitch darkness hearing the hiss of a snake sneak into my bedroom. The snake slithers his way into my bed sizing me up to make me his prey. I feel small and worthless and let the snake do what he wishes. At night I lay awakened, playing movies in my head of you and her together. I feel like someone is squeezing lemon juice in my eyes; that’s how painful it is to see you with her. I have never seen my world so green with envy and jealousy. I hear nails on a chalk board every time I hear you say her name. I want to sink into a hole every time you talk about her; the worst part is she is clueless about me and you. I feel left out like a little girl not getting invited to the birthday party everyone is talking about. I feel like I am wearing a skin tight dress showing off every flaw of my body to the world. I’m stuck in a triangle of love with each edge slowly cutting into my heart. Each time I hear you say something about her it’s like being rubbed with sandpaper over an already sore cut. When I am with you it’s like holding a rose with thorns tight to my heart. I grip harder to you but then I get cut with those thorns of your past lover. She creeps up on me like a skunk late at night, hard to ignore, scared to be near, and hard to stop thinking about. This jealousy tastes nothing like the frozen yogurt you bought on our first date. Frozen yogurt is much too innocent and sweet. It tastes like hot sauce that I am forced to swallow no matter how much it burns. I must get past this jealously as it burns through me. Literally feels like I’m getting eating alive by a million maggots. I feel helpless and destroyed. My stomach turns like a maid wringing out a rag. I don’t eat and feel like a homeless man with nowhere to go. The worse is when the homeless man walks past a mansion admiring its beauty and knowing he will never live like that. I feel sick to my stomach knowing that the homeless man and I have so much in common. I image you and her together like the homeless man imagines living in that mansion. This jealousy has taken over my brain like a hypnotist does to her customer. She has got me so caught up in her spell that I can’t see the reality from my nightmares.
Jealousy Is Not Just A Nightmare
May 22, 2012