He sits next to me every day in the only class I look forward to because I get to sit next to him. Him the only boy, who laughs at what he wants, dresses how he wants, and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. He’s the perfect guy the only one I’ve ever really liked. The problem is that he has a girl friend that’s my best friend so for now he’s of limits. We started talking about a month ago ever night I help him with his relationship and he’s a great friend; and that’s where it all went wrong that one night when I felt like I was losing my mind, when I became venerable, and a message from him popped up on my phone. I wasn’t aware of it yet but as my phone beeped my heart skipped a beat. We talked for hours that night and slowly I began to realize I was falling for him more every second, soon I was head over heals and just about to spill everything, all my feelings. I had never told anyone how I felt I always kept it to myself to worried my secret would get out. I couldn’t hold it in any more I was going crazy so I told him how I felt. Right as I pressed the send button I knew it was a mistake but it was gone now so all I could do is wait. As I read his reply a sigh of relief came out of me, he was not freaked out not clueless but calm and saying we could still be friends that we were still bff’s. My life had been perfect over the next few weeks my friend broke up with his so it didn’t matter if I liked him, we talked more than ever, and I didn’t have to hold in my feelings. Just perfect but perfect never lasts as I was going to learn. I was in my room texting his friend when he asked me who I liked of course I said no one but for some reason that answer didn’t work like normal. My phone beeped right after I sent send the message said “Charlie” the one name I didn’t want to hear. How could his friend know I didn’t tell him unless? Yes that was the answer the answer I didn’t want to hear, my best friend betrayed me. Immediately I texted him asking if he had told anyone, I was expecting for him to say no or lie but know he said yes. I want to scream, cry, punch, and just be silent, because I don’t know what to do. The only thing I can think of is to start yelling. “ How could you do this, why would you do this, why did you betray me?” After about ten minutes it was over, the last text I sent that night said, “ I love you as a friend but I can’t be friends with someone who I can’t trust. So until I figure this out no more friends and no more bff’s goodbye. I began to cry the one person I thought I could trust betrayed me. I went from confessing my love to losing my best friend. Later that night I began to regret how I reacted but knew it was the right thing to do. Even though I hate him for telling my secret I still love him for who he is.
The One I Lost
April 6, 2012