I can't hear you, or feel you or see you anymore. I must admit I pray for the day you'd come walking through that door. All I have are pictures forever frozen in time. Like a book that was left unfinished or an old nursery rhyme. I can't imagine how you would look now or think of where you'd be. I could never fathom the thought of what you could've become or what my eyes may seek. I often think of my days as if I were alone because if you were still around it's possible that this would not be home. I would not have the friends I do today. All the lessons I have learned & the pain I've experienced along the way. To think if that day just came & went how different things would be. All that would've changed the life of you and me. You could've continued living the life that you had led & I would've gone on to be the better head. To possibly follow in your footsteps instead of being mocked. You could've laid a path for me but instead my road was blocked. I had to make another way around this. Across a river, and over streams. Through the deadly jungle & under all its seems. I've been watched and followed. I've been told which way to go. Afraid to make my next move because of something they may never know. And as my voice is hollow, I speak with all I have. Nothing will ever heal the wound that you have left. No stitch is strong enough, no glue can ever mend, and no tape can ever piece together what I will never have again. A body guard, a life saver, a mentor & a friend. My something to hold onto when I thought my life would end. My brother, my world, my every living thing. I knew when I would fall u had the strength to carry me. I miss you now more than ever see before it just hurt. Not having you around felt empty but now it burns. All the questions that I have, my thoughts that come day by day. I strive for your attention & the things that you might say. What would we have in common? Would you still be at home? Would you have a girlfriend? Or would you have moved out on your own? There are days when I wish I could just call you on the phone. To hear your voice again & ask you to come home. Some days the pain won’t faze me, other days I cannot bear. Some days it kills me & other days I really couldn't care. But the days you cross my mind are the days I need you most. When your little sister needs her brother, like the father, son & holly ghost. I do admit my words are spoken in higher grounds then I fully understand but as well as it may sound it's just the making of a man. I'd love to say I miss you & one day hear "I miss you too" or to find that you only ran away & you here the whole way through. But see that's just silly dreaming, a childish mind & thoughts. Some may say it's natural I just try and shake it off. I leave your empty space like I leave hunger, soon to be full filled. Another day of something else I have yet to build. So to you my dear brother I hope I've made you proud, it's been a while since we've spoken, what do you think of me now?
March 28, 2012