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Gone...

There’s days where I think of the good memories. The trips to the zoo, Easter egg hunting, and you’d dress up like the Easter Bunny. Then I’d blink my eyes and remember the dreadful nights. One whip, 2 whips, and all for what? Because I was 5 and I wet the bed? You were always careful not to leave any marks though. You know that if Tio found out, he’d kill you.

I remember the day we left, Mami and I, like it was yesterday. The jeep sped away from school and I peered through the back window. The school got smaller, smaller, gone. I situated myself in my seat, “Ma, where are we going?” “I got a surprise for you,” my mom smiled a crooked smile that was faker than Barbie. I wondered and wondered. Then it hit me, a puppy! It has to be a puppy, I already know it! She finally got it for me! I couldn’t wait to get to Mama’s house. I flew out of the car while it was still in motion. I jetted up the cement, porch stairs and flung the door open. (It smacked the wall and now there’s a huge, gaping hole in it... It wasn’t me). Anyway, I looked in every corner of the house, searching and searching. Nothing. Where can you hide a freaking puppy without it possibly suffocating, I thoughht. “Emely. Emely! Relax. Come with me,” my mom ordered. I was ecstatic. She was taking me to the secret hiding quarters of my new puppy. (Niko, yeah I named him already, and if it was a girl... Screw it, she was still gonna be Niko). We made our way to the computer room, I was cheesin’ like a clown. Clothes? Clothes. What kinda... “What’s all this clothes?” I asked, confused. Luggage bags, mountains of clothes, my pink and white fluffy teddy bear was smothered under some large panties. “We’re gonna live here now.” My smile disappeared, my heart sunk to my feet, my world was completely flipped upside down. All of this because of one asshole.

Your yell could easily shatter glass. Such a raspy, obnoxious, violent voice. And the evil look on your face? I still have nightmares of it. Your bald, glistening head, I hated it. Your pink face when you’d get mad always reminded me of Kirby. Oh and the evil grin you had? I swear the Joker got his scar ideas from you. And I will never, never ever, never ever, ever, ever forget the repulsive cigar stench you always carried around. Did you know that to this day, the sight or smell of cigarettes reminds me of you. Gross.

The way you hurt my mom and I was unforgivable. But, I’ve grown and matured. I now know that there’s no reason whatsoever to hold onto grudges. I do forgive you. But don’t you think for a split second that I will forget all the s*** you put us through. (It’d be silly of you to even let that cross your mind). I don’t think Mami has forgiven you though. I don’t blame her... I wonder what it could have, should have, or would have been like if my real father was around. Maybe things would have been better, probably not thoughh. He was a bigger asshole than you. He left us with nothing, just like that. Like we were some random people. As if my mom wasn’t the woman he loved and cherished, as if I wasn’t his creation, his new baby girl, he left.



A role of a step-father is not to put their step-child through hell. Their role is to fill the gap of the father who isn’t there. To give that child another set of arms to run to. To give that child someone they can give a Fathers Day card to. You failed at all of these roles. Despite all of these factors, I still forgive you. I just hope you have a great life without my mom or I because frankly, neither of us want you in our lives... Oh how I wish you could read this. Thanks for nothing Bernard.





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