Dear Boy

December 23, 2011
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Dear Boy,
I'm supposed to be writing a letter to someone who is important to me and why. Yet all I can manage to do is stare blankly at your name upon this page. I could give a thousand reasons as to why you are important to me, but I cant come to grips as to putting them on this page quite yet. For the pain of doing so is torture, and it is the breaking of my little fragile heart that hurts the most when doing so. I cannot so easily forget about everything, everything that meant something to me, everything that we had ever been. Just so easily like you can.. As much as I'd like to. You weren't ever supposed to mean this much to me, I hope you know that. This is what you did to, this is what happened when you left me without a goodbye. Desperately waiting for your comforting hello everyday. This is what happened when you gave up on trying, on caring. Are you reading what I have to say ? No.. because you are soon yet to realize that this letter will never reach you. Even if so, it would never actually hit your heart and realize that these words upon this page, have a meaning. A meaning so far into depth that your not capable of understanding. These are words that I cry to, words that bring tears in which I shed for you. What have you done to me. Where is my reason. Where is my hope, my happiness, my love that I had embraced for you. Layers and layers have been peeled. I am left revealed, cold, naked and full of sorrow and shame. I'm weak. Weak because you broke me, blinded me on how to be strong. How can you show someone so much love, so much emotion and burn it. Set fire to everything that had once mattered and smeared the ashes upon my face. You were important to me because, I loved you. There are so many reasons as to why I called it love. You cared about me like no one else ever had, you talked to me like a best friend and looked at me like I was angel from heaven. I was comfortable around you, we were so much alike. The smallest things between add up like a raising tide of the sea, rising to swallow me. Someone had mentioned you today, they had asked me if I knew you. I thought about it for a minute, and said not anymore.. It hurts to be forgotten by someone who you could never imagine to forget. Where do you expect me to go from here, up and leave like nothing ever happened ? Act as if the pain is not oblivious and the scars are exposed. Act as if this smile is not fake. Why would you ever want to do this to me, leave me like this. There are days when I can say I am okay.. Days when I think about you and I am fine. But most days I'm left with the pain of being broken, the illness of being empty. Empty to the point where your bones feel as if they were made out of plastic ready to break, your breath is short and your body is cold. You were the type I could have seen being with for along time, the one who I would introduce my parents to. The one who made me happy. You opened my wounds and showed me that us, you could not handle. You couldn't handle me, or this. Why should I expect you anyways.. you were nothing but kid longing for the same hopeless possession anyone else wants. Love. If only you would have given me that chance.. to love. You broke my heart.. and someday I hope that I can look you in the eyes, and not feel anything. Like you, wouldn't you be proud of me. For now.. I just want you to leave. Stay out of my life.

Love,
That girl who's heart you had broken.





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