Sometimes things just get to be too much. I said I was going home and that's what I intended but as I got closer I was gripped by nostalgia. I remembered what I used to do when things got like this. Sure it used to be something we shared but even though we dissolved it doesn't make it less effective. I set my eyes straight ahead and checked my gas. I'd be fine. I passed my street without even a glimpse down the gloomy road. I just kept driving. Nothing but darkness, the radio, and the lines on the road. I drove for a while, clearing my mind, ignoring everything else. I didn't intend to drive that far. I kept telling myself I'd turn around the next time the opportunity presented itself. But as soon as I saw that arrow on the tarred road pointing left I just stepped on the gas a little harder. There's just something about driving just to drive, no where to go and no where to be, just driving. The faster you go the more free you feel. I remember that you taught me this. And all though I've lost all respect for you, I'm thankful for that. You showed me that life doesn't have to be taken all at once like the medicine parents shove down the throat of a kid who's sick. You showed me that peace can be where ever you want it to be. It's only a car ride away. You don't need a destination or anyone else for that matter and you definitely don't need to be someone else. There are no expectations and you are who you are. In fact it's better alone. Often times people feel the need to fill the silence with empty words that hold no importance and I have to admit that even I do it. But silence needs to be appreciated for what it is. I really don't like who you are now but I'd never take those memories back because every adventure just took me one step closer to discovering who I am. If you never listen to yourself how will you ever know what you're saying? When I think back on our friendship I realize that all though it didn't end well I don't regret it. There's something about driving on an empty road for miles with no one but you and the radio I guess. Trapped inside a car with no one but yourself. It's scary because you might have to actually face the reality of who you are but on the other hand it's freedom because now you finally know. Anyway peace like that can give you the strength to return to reality and face all of the things that are weighing you down. So I guess what I'm trying to say is never regret a past that's made you the beautiful person you are, never regret the people even if they screwed you up because it's made you stronger, get to know yourself because sometimes you are all you have, and never underestimate a full tank of gas and an endless road. We have all night.
We Have All Night
December 10, 2011