Because I could have let you go any time that I wanted... Then you made me fall in love and you moved two thousand miles away. While you were living in one world I was living in one completely different across the country. When you told me you loved me my first thoughts were praying that you didn't mean it because even that young I knew we couldn't make this distance shorter and we weren't capable of loving from afar for very long. Then through words and a lack of better common sense you made me believe in you. Half a year passed and finally you were coming to visit, two weeks was all we had, after waiting six months two weeks were all we were granted. It was summer time and it was a dream come true, you showed up in my room with a single white rose, and made me the happiest girl in the world. For two weeks we were together, non stop as much as possible. We did all kinds of things like jumping in the river holding hands staying the night together hardly sleeping just staying up talking. When our two weeks were up we cried we both knew what was to come. You were leaving for who knows how long, we stood at the bottom of my front porch steps and said our goodbyes. I never thought that my heart could ever hurt as much as it did that day. Slightly over a month after you left I knew something was wrong. Our nine month anniversary was August twenty fifth, we broke up on the twenty sixth I couldn't eat until the twenty ninth, I had let myself fall in love and it was your fault. I'd never felt to stupid, so used, so alone. I cried to anyone who cared to listen, the worse part was that I understood how hard our relationship was on you and I couldn't hate you. No, I was still in love with you that was the hardest part, my feelings didn't just go away.Ever since then I have had trust issues, and I won't tell anyone but my family that I love them and that's your fault. In my heart I want to believe that things will work out and we will be together one day, but maybe that's just me being young and naive. You changed me, you impacted my life in a way I didn't know was possible, and every day I will be here waiting for the day that you come back home. You were my first true love and you were my first ever heart break. Maybe if you ever come across this writing you'll understand what you did to me, until then I will have to keep pretending that being just friends isn't heart breaking for me. I miss you with all my heart J.H.
This is to you BuhBuh I miss you wherever you are
December 4, 2011