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Life Itself Is the Most Valuable Gift

By , Higashi Osaka City, Japan
Life is different from everyone’s eyes. Every person has a completely different life and experiences different things, we call this the “ordinary” life.

About two months ago I was facing one of the worst situations throughout my 16 years of life. I had an eating disorder. It then gradually made me become mentally and physically at worst condition. Because of my emotional instability I wasn’t able to accept the reality in front of me and everything seemed as if it made no sense or had no meaning at all. Sometimes I would even spend hours thinking about the past and all the good times and I would seriously start to feel that I’m different from others, In other words, insane.

One night I wondered and was frustrated with the word “ordinary”. People say what is ordinary and what is not like it’s already meant to be there, but who made that rule? I don’t think anyone did. Then what is the real meaning of it? What is “ordinary” and what is not? Why do we say it? Does ordinary exist? If it does, then what is it? What does it mean? Then is the way I think including the question I was asking ordinary? Am I ordinary? I started asking myself many things over and over again and tried looking for an answer, but it was no use. I was completely lost and without doubt the possibility of me having an answer to that was zero. To think of it now, keeping on asking myself something which was impossible to find an answer in me like this had been one kind of torture. Other people would give out a common opinion and “ordinary” would have a clear meaning. It does make sense, but also does not at the same time and for some reason it still was not clear to me. This time I had a bigger feeling of fuzziness inside instead of the frustration that kept bothering me. “I’ve gotten my answers, what else is it that I want? What’s my problem? Why can’t I just ignore the fact and get it over with?” It made me be fed up with myself and my way of thinking, I was yielded with self-hatred. The answers I already had in front of me weren’t wrong, but not right either because I finally found the simplest answer that there could ever be. Ordinary is nothing. In life, there is no ordinary or unordinary. It’s as simple as that, isn’t it?

As I wrote in the beginning, every person lives a different life and experiences different things. We are different in every way so it’s okay to be different and experience different things. What’s important is to be yourself and follow your intentions. I feel that nowadays people, including me tend to take life and its circumstances for granted. We live life as a matter of course. We often forget the most important things in life and sometimes even the truth and ourselves and the fact that just being able to live is a gift.
This is a quote I found on the internet that inspired me:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

A few weeks ago I was a lost girl with an empty mind and heart, I hated myself and my own life, and I was unhappy and couldn’t even find a point in living. After going through a hard time I feel that there has been a change inside me. I have become aware that life is how you live it, not what it gives you and what’s already there. Now I see life from a wide different point of view and I have in mind that life isn’t a matter of course. Like many people say, no matter what obstacles there are we have got to live life at the fullest potential. And in order to do that, our attitude towards life becomes an important matter. I’m thankful of what happened because it has made me stronger as a person and it will keep influencing me and my future life in many ways too. Finally, What I would like to convey is that life isn’t always easy, there are more suffers rather than ease, but even though that’s the reality we have, every person should value their lives and their own selves no matter what.

Right now I am sitting in front of the laptop looking back at my tough experience while comparing the past with the present. I am still under therapy treatment at the moment, but I am very lucky and thankful because when I first found that I had an eating disorder I was still at an early stage which makes it easier for me to manage. I can feel the pain to think that there are many young people like me out there who are suffering from the same problem or other serious issues. All I want for those who feel pain in living to know is that they are not alone and they never will be.





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Ann Lonergan said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 3:02 pm
It certainly took a lot of courage to write this piece, but - even more than that - the way you explain and express your thoughts and feelings going through this experience is so clear, I was astonished. Just by reading your words, people working thought difficult times in their lives will gain some strength and insight. Thank you!
 
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