Dull, dirty needles were being passed around a junkie den as I walked by. Two people inhabited this storage unit, cautiously avoiding the outside world. Those two people let me into their life for a reason I will never understand. The girl in the corner was picking at her face. She was emaciated beyond all means; however, I could see her beauty beneath the layers of dirt and open sores. The man, who I assumed to be the one in charge looked like a ferocious beast that yearned for anyone who could offer sex in exchange for some s***. That anyone just so happened to be me. Their “home” was filled with all kinds of trash and frivolous collections of items one would find in a dumpster. They were both tweaking in peculiar ways. The man, who later told me his name was Rick couldn’t stop checking for any suspicious people passing by. He was constantly in a paranoid state of mind. The girl, Amy, was sorting through her ‘collectables’ and mumbling to herself. They both seemed to be in their own world. I was about two weeks, give or take, clean from speed. I had just pawned my ring for $20 dollars at some “gold for cash” place. I told the man my name was Ramona, which I used that alias because I saw a sign stating “Ramona Park”. Nothing clever, but it fit me. I asked for some s*** and he told me he would be right back with it. I took him for his word. I attempted to engage in conversation with Amy, however she wasn’t really making sense. Sober, I could never fathom living here. It was filthy and repulsive, bugs and dirt all around the storage unit. After about twenty minutes, he came back with a little plastic bag of speed, which seemed to be a little short. I didn’t push the issue. I asked him if I could get off here, he didn’t shake his head yes or no, he just stared at me with tasteful eyes. I mixed the s*** in my water bottle cap and attempted to find a vein. Now I was able to find one easily because I wasn’t dehydrated. After I slammed that s*** home, my heart sped quickly, my eyes grew wider and I felt a surge of an unexplainable happiness followed by a noticeable amount of confidence. This feeling was one I didn’t want to lose. I quickly felt a need to go for a walk. I asked if I could leave my bag there and he seemed more than willing because he wanted me to stay. I took off in my world, walking with intent to find a means to make money. Without going into detail, lets just say I made about $150 doing something I wasn’t very proud of. If you know this lifestyle you shouldn’t be too far off with your conclusion. I lived in that shack for two disturbing weeks. I didn’t shower much. I didn’t eat or sleep. Each of us became enthralled in our own versions of tweaking. Was it fun? At first, I didn’t mind the bugs and the filth, however towards the end, I couldn’t get off anymore, I couldn’t stand my environment, nor stand myself. Every time I got high, it was never the same. When another girl walked by and asked Rick for some s***, he took her under his wing. I quickly understood where he wanted me to go…to hell. Its funny how as soon as a woman decided to not put out anymore, the person demanding it quickly changes his entire perception of what your really worth. The worst part, I was homeless in another state, in another coast in which I was unfamiliar with. Being a woman however, let’ s just say no matter what circumstance a woman is in, she will always have an advantage if she is willing to lose all self-respect in order to get high.
November 12, 2011