I remember the first time I noticed you. I was sitting alone in the library before school, reading I think. Suddenly I looked up, and there you were. You were staring quite obviously, and you snapped your head down as soon as I looked up. I thought it was a fluke. I looked back down at my I-pod. Curious I glanced back up at you. You were definitely staring between two computers, I probably blushed at this point, but I don't remember. It felt really good knowing you're eyes were on me. You weren't particularly attractive, in fact you weren't at all, but I hadn't had a guy check me out in 6 months. I quietly smiled to myself. I pretended to be reading attentively until I glanced up again, but you were gone.


Red lipstick. I only wear red lipstick occasionally, but when I do I always expect compliments. He was looking at me again. I grinned widely at my friend. She giggled as she alerted me that my lipstick was all over my teeth. I rubbed my teeth fiercely, stealing a glance at you. You looked amused, and I flushed red again. I turned away, trying to focus on chemistry, but I felt your eyes boring into my back.


I shuffled my legs, uncrossing and crossing them again. I was uncomfortable in my favorite dress. Resting my chin on my hand I stared at the chessboard in front of me. Sarah would be back soon enough to make the next move and I had no idea what I was doing. I hadn't really joined chess club to expand my brain, but rather because I thought the team needed more girls. I didn't even know that you were in the club I swear!

It was hard to think knowing that you were only 20 feet away, whispering to a couple of your friends and glancing at me, in my uncomfortable glittering red dress.

Suddenly I heard a voice. “Are you in chess?” I looked up. A friend of yours was addressing me. “Yes.” I said. “Short and simple right?” I thought to myself, turning crisom. Sarah returned and joyously declared checkmate in a few moves, but I was distracted. You had arisen and you were headed in our direction.

“Again?” she asked politely.

“Sure.” I said indifferently as you inched closer, glancing at me, then the board and back again.

“I'm going to show you the four move checkmate.” She said confidently.

“Alright.” I said focusing again on the game. She annoyed me slightly. How it seemed she looked down upon me. I shrugged it off and moved my pieces. Out of nowhere, you sat down next to us but I didn't notice you until you informed Sarah that she was messing up her four move mate.

I was startled and I pulled my dress down further on my legs as you continued to comment on our game. The game progressed and she ended up merely stalemating me. Finally you walked away and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was quite frightened of you being so close to me. Not because I liked you, but for reasons I didn't understand at the time - perhaps intuition.

I continued talking to Sarah and somehow we came across the subject of breasts. You were listening. I didn't realize until you asked us if we were really talking about breasts. I replied that we were and you laughed. I had never seen you smile before and I shuffled nervously.

“Are you a lesbian?” The moment the words were out of your mouth my stomach dropped. “Oh.” I thought to myself. “You're the reason no guys have been talking to me.” Red flashed in my eyes. I stared through the foggy lenses and glared defiantly into your eyes. I noticed that they were brown. I laughed. I laughed long and hard. It really was quite amusing. I had honestly thought that maybe all the guys in Arizona just didn't like cute Texas girls. I laughed in relief, joy, and disgust all at the same time.

You looked confused, perhaps even a little frightened as well. “That's not the usual response.” You said timidly.

“No.” I said firmly. “I am not a lesbian.” I looked equally firmly into your eyes. You flinched a little, but held on. I was impressed. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Well you and Mao are always hanging out...”

“And this made you think I was a lesbian?” I pitched my voice slightly higher, but kept an amused smile on my face. You glanced nervously at my chest. Yes, I noticed. “Who's been saying this about me?”

For the first time you glanced away as you answered. “Everybody.”

A lie. Finally. I could work with this. “How totally weird!” I said. “Must be cause of my short hair.” I turned to Sarah. “Still why would anyone think that?” She shrugged and assured me that this had happened to her. Twice. I laughed and shared with her that this was my second experience as well. We laughed and talked, and I didn't notice you walk away.

I knew now that you had thought I was lesbian, but I had a gut feeling...


Summer came and went. We were 11th graders now. You had never stopped watching me. Every class, everyday. Sometimes you talked to me, but never for long and it was always strange and incomprehensible. You have always liked laughing at me. I don't understand really. You watch me like a hawk, you avoid me like the plague. You smirk at me in the halls. What do you want? What do you mean?


We played a game of chess the other day. Mr. Claude suggested it. You tried to look bored, as if it was no big deal. I looked you in the eyes. I could tell that me being that though the chessboard was between us, you were scared to be this close to me. The game was quick and precise, but I held my own. You won in the end but I held you off till the bitter end. You looked a little surprised. “You're better than I thought you were.” You muttered quietly. I didn't thank you. At least not really. I said thanks but what I really meant was “Eff you.”


We are going to be a love story. The stage is set. I don't love you yet but I know I will. It will be a great tale. I can't wait to finish it. Perhaps our love will be a tragedy, but it doesn't matter to me. I just can't wait to write about, and watch the books roll off the assembly line in crisp red covers.