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“Don’t ever take anybody for granted, cause you never know when you might lose them and you may never get the chance to tell them how you really feel. “
Till this day when I hear these word I have flashbacks like the rewinding of a videotape that dramatically comes to a stop on one of the most painful experience and the greatest lesson of my life at the young age of 10.
The darkness surrounds me and engulfs me as tears of shame and regret slide slowly down my cheeks before springing themselves into the coolness of the earth beneath me. Sounds of the sirens loud and frightening can still be heard. Like cans of paint the splashes of red and blue can still be seen on the walls and surrounding woods, imprinting and haunting my memory. I open my mouth to speak but only the sobs of my family, accusing and heartbroken, can be heard. The coolness of death still blows, howling with laughter.
Distress and grief surround us like a blanket of death, as if darkness wanted to engulf us to consume us. Wind had whipped around me tugging at my clothes as if they too had blamed me. The taste of fear is strong and the revelation that had sunk into my cold skin can still be felt. How did it come to this? How could of I come to this? Have I become one of those on which I despised the most?
“I don’t care what you said! You lied! I don’t want to see you anymore!” I screamed in resentment.
I remember being very angry with my uncle, but despite that I loved him very much.
“Yes I know and for that I am sorry. I hope that someday you can forgive me and that I might be able to forgive you”, my uncle replied with a mixture of hurt and anger.
Shock struck me as hard as a bull charging his opponent. I knew that I had hurt him, that it was not his fault that it was mine, and that it should have been me to apologize.
“You could easily forget the plans. If it’s so easy for you then why don’t you just forget and leave. I don’t want you around”, I whispered my voice cracking.
Shock and hurt flashed briefly on his face before being replaced by sadness and pain.
Barley realizing the cruelness of my words I turned to apologize but he had already turned and gone.
These words have come to be my greatest regret.
“I want to live my life carrying all my memories with me, and even those memories are painful, even if all they do is hurt me, I want to keep them even those memories I wish I could sometimes forget. Cause as long as I keep carrying them with me, as long as I can keep holding on, then someday I’ll be strong enough that those memories won’t hurt me, then I’ll be glad to have them, that’s what I’ve always believed with all my heart.”
“That’s why memories are precious to me, I don’t think it would be ok to forget a single one, and that’s why I didn’t want mama to forget about me, I didn’t. What I wanted was for her to move on, but I guess that was selfish of me. It will be our little secret.”
Through this and my personal experiences I have learned that all my memories, I want to keep them close to my heart. I’m going to move on no matter how hard it may seem because one day I will be strong enough that those memories that are painful won’t hurt anymore. When that day comes I’ll know that I’ve done the best I can to live my life with no regrets. There was nothing to forgive him for, but one day I will be strong enough to forgive myself.