September 25, 2011
By Anonymous

This is my story, my crucible. It started late during my freshman year, and it’s still a problem today. I have trouble with a fear. A fear of eternity, of the future.... Of TIME.

It began as simple thinking; what was heaven going to be like, what would we do there, what would we see, simple things like that. Then, it hit me, like a punch to the stomach. It will never end. In that moment, I got sick to my stomach. I ran to the bathroom and emptied my stomach of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The smell of vomit made me throw up again, till there was nothing left to lose. I can still feel the bile burn my throat and mouth if I ever think about it.

Every morning after that I went to the school nurse (I live in the dorm of a boarding school) and got Pepto-Bismol to ease the discomfort in my middle. It helped sometimes, but others, the pink tablet made my stomach flip-flop even more than it already was.

Every day I stayed away from my room because I had no roommate, no suitemate, and I knew, if I went back to my room, I would start thinking again. And if I started thinking again, it was only a matter of how long before I would start thinking about time.

This fear, I’ve only shared it with two people... Now, I’ve shared it with all my peers. One of the two people I shared it with, Aerlice, she gave me encouragement that helped me more than anything else could. I can still remember hearing her soft words, not too loud, not too rude, or critical. She listened while I cried and reassured me when I went silent. I went to her twice that year, and at least once the next. Over the summer, I forgot all about my fear, only to have it return when I did.

The miracle that helped me most was Aerlice. She told me that she hadn’t planned on coming to out boarding school; it was a last minute decision. But if she hadn’t come, I don’t even want to think about what would have happened. Maybe I would have gone crazy. Maybe I would’ve become a suicidal and killed myself. If that’s the case, then I can truly say that I owe my life, not only to my parents for bringing me into the world, but to Aerlice for possibly saving me from suicide. But I’m probably exaggerating just a little, but hey, you never know....

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