I've learned to live without you. Both of you to be exact. I'm not going to lie and say I'm better off this way because I feel a whole ton better with you. Either one of you. I liked you both. I never lied to you. I could never do that to you. I may of said it would be fine to end it, but I never meant that. I had to say that because I couldn't fight you. I couldn't try and stay with you knowing you didn't want it. If it were meant to be, which I had thought it was at some points, you wouldn't of changed your mind. You wouldn't of wanted to be just friends. And it always happens on those Mondays. Why do I even like Mondays? They never end well. You don't seem to care. Well maybe you do, but I would never know because you never say. With one we never talk and with the other things are just left unanswered. Hopefully not for much longer. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I really need to know. It's killing me on the inside. Giving me thoughts I wouldn't of had before. Before you. Before everything changed. Back when we were happy. Actually before then. Back when I was carefree. Nothing went wrong and you were by my side. Marching season. Band camp. Dances. You never gave up to talk to me. We talked all the time. Non-stop for almost four or five months. My parents were probabaly mad, but I didn't care. All I cared about was talking to you. I'd give things up to do so. And then you quit. You kind of just ignored me. I was hurt. I felt like everyone around me started to grow away and I felt alone. With no one to go to and talk to because they had all left. And maybe I just imagined it. But I didn't imagine you because you were actually leaving.And we became friends. But regardless of if we were friends or not we didn't talk. Even now, six months later, we barely speak. A few words here and there. But never a whole conversation. Never anything to remember. And then I moved on. Well kind of. But I had moved on enough where I had found a new you and this you was great. It was really quick, but we began dating and I was so happy. I had not been that happy since I was with the original you. It was amazing. We didn't talk even as close to as much as you and I had. But you, you and I would touch. We held hands and stood up against each other and you held me. It was what I had always dreamed of in a relationship. It was a dream come true. Then the trip popped up and things crashed and burned then were rebuilt and then everything sank. You became a little too much and I felt as though you wouldn't get off of me. I tried to explain to you, but you got the wrong impression. And then it was just misunderstanding after misunderstanding. There were some points where it was all okay. But then it went downhill. And then the drawing. It completely changed me. I was going to end it. But your words meant so much to me that I knew I still liked you. We talked and everything was okay. At least for awhile. Soon more issues appeared and we went on break. Your decision, not mine. I wanted to work it out. And so did you. Which is why I didn't understand, but whatever really went on ended when you said we should just be friends. It was hard, but regardless I moved through it. And now we move to the present. All you need to do it tell me why. I just want your reasoning why you decided not to try and keep us together. You say you will tell me, but I just don't want to wait. I hope you will find the right words. I hope you will get everything together and let me know soon. Before it completely takes over my brain. And you are pretty close to have succeeded in that. Unfortunately I don't know how to feel about it. About either of you. Because you are both gone and you are both never coming back.
Life Without You
July 10, 2011