Ana Rexia

June 29, 2011
By Anonymous

I just stood there, bent over, face in the sink, staring at my dinner at the bottom of the drain, waiting for Purge to show himself once more. This wasn’t my first encounter with Mister Purge, oh no, we’d met several times, introduced by a mutual friend, Miss Low Self-Esteem, she and I went way back. Purge was a new friend, however, we’d grown quite close the last few months since I’d started hanging out with his cousin, Ana Rexia.

I’d met Ana nearly a year ago, just after my boyfriend, Mason, broke up with me earlier that Spring and I’d become quite fond of her. She became the friend I needed, someone to lean on through my heartbreak. During a time when I was hurting so badly, she helped me redirect my sorrow and I loved her for that. Ana introduced me to a whole new group of friends: her cousins the twins Bing and Purge, whom I’d had a few brushes with in the past, and her close friends Regret, Disgust, and Guilt. They welcomed me into their tight knit circle with open arms. They told me I no longer needed my other friends, they weren’t good for me, so I shut them all out.

Soon Ana and I were spending all our time together, it was almost as if she were part of me now. But our relationship was a complicated one; she was constantly picking at me, tearing me down part by part but I only saw it as her trying to help me be a better me.

The one thing I’d noticed that really bothered her was my weight. She was constantly telling me how fat I was, something I’d heard plenty of times before from my old friend Miss Low Self Esteem. Every time I even looked at food Ana was there to tell me to leave it, “College is coming up sweetie, do you really want to look like that next year? What boy will want to touch you with that muffin top? Probably why Mason left you.... Just saying... Only trying to help Honey.”

Her bluntness earned her quite the reputation around town and my parents weren’t thrilled when they saw how close Ana and I had become. They viewed her as a bad influence on me. They were constantly telling me not to listen to Ana and that I was changing the more time I spent with her but Ana and I had a bond no one else could break.

As time went on her criticism of me and my appearance only became more frequent, soon she was holding nothing back. I had completely changed the way I looked over those previous few months, dying my hair dark brown because she told me my natural color was awful with my skin yellowy tone, started wearing much more conservative dressy clothing because Ana hated my casual style, loaded on the makeup to hide the blemishes Ana was constantly telling me littered my face, and lost nearly thirty pounds all just to please her. People hardly noticed me anymore but still she wasn’t satisfied so neither was I.

At that point my parent’s concern had finally hit the max, they had had enough of Ana and her opinions and forbid me to see her. Of course I didn’t listen and began lying and sneaking around, I needed her, I thought.

My parents introduced me to Miss Karen, a nutritional therapist, someone they hoped would finally help me to let go of Ana. I was outraged and very against the meeting but I finally agreed to it to please them. I never would have thought it would be such a life saver.

Miss Karen educated me on all the damage Ana was doing, physically and emotionally. She helped me to see just how no good Ana and her advice really were. Finally I saw our relationship for what it was; Ana wasn’t helping me, she was killing me little by little. In that one meeting with Karen I lost all respect for Ana. I was so incredibly hurt after the guy I loved walked away, that I lost myself and all my self worth with him. I threw what was left into a friendship with Ana, I allowed her to take over, to manipulate me when I was weak. From that day on I decided my bond with Ana was done defining me, I’m me and that is more than enough. Ana and her friends still try to contact me every now and again but I remind myself that I’m way too good for that b**** nowadays. I look back on the time I spent with Ana as a learning experience, a mistake I have learned so much from. Ana, you’ll always be part of my past, but I refuse to let you take over my future, so long and good riddance!

The author's comments:
I wrote this personification piece about my struggle with Anarexia. I hope it can help others going through a similar fight :)

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This article has 1 comment.

on Jul. 10 2011 at 1:29 pm
writergirl156 SILVER, Waxhaw, North Carolina
7 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't be afraid of death, be afraid of the unlived life."

"Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"

This reminds me of my own friendships with Binge and Purge. Wonderful! Stay strong and keep writing!!


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