Crazy Stalker, Kyle

May 18, 2011
By , Williamsburg, OH
There are many stalkers in the world today. You have the stalkers that follow you around Wal-Mart, Facebook stalkers, and the one that hide in your bushes. My stalker is a Facebook stalker, well at least he was. My best friend, Allison, used to go to school with him back in the 5th grade. The summer of 2009 he “friended” me on Facebook. Seeing he was friends with Allison I added him. I have never met the kid or even talked on the phone with him. It was an all text “relationship.” Kyle is a crazy stalker!

It all started on Facebook, I had commented on some of his statuses. (He had posted something about John Deere tractors being the best. The stupid boy clearly Case IH is by far the best.) A month or so had gone by when he started texting Allison, he had been looking for a relationship and Allison already has a boyfriend. So Allison, being the best friend she is, gave him my number. She claimed we had tons in common and all would be okay. My best friend lied to me, but that’s what you get for being friends with a ginger.

I was at a friend of the family’s wedding reception when my boot started vibrating, making a weird noise and tickling my ankle, meaning I had a text message. I pulled out my black shiny (at the time) Envy2 cell phone.
“Hey” I get from an unknown number.
“Hey?” What else was I supposed to say back? Not long after I sent that did I get a text from Allison.
“I’m so sorry! I had to get rid of him somehow! No worries you guys have lots in common.” I was so confused.
“Hey what’s up?” It was from the same unknown number.
I text Allison back really fast. “What are you talking about?”
Then I text back the unknown number “Who is this?”

At about the same time I get a text from Allison and the unknown number. I decided to open Allison’s text first. “It’s Kyle! You guys have lots in common. He wouldn’t leave me alone. Be nice!”
“Oh…When am I not nice? Kyle who?” I am a very nice person. I decided to open the unknown number next.
“Allison gave me your number. She said we have a lot in common.” This is when it all started to all make sense. Unknown number is Kyle who got my number from Allison.
I sent a text back to Allison. “Thanks a lot.”
Then I text Kyle back “Well what did she say we had in common?”
The boy had to be like staring this phone down because how fast he was texting back was unreal. “We’re both country, I pull.”
“You truck and tractor pull! That’s awesome!” Truck and tractor pulling is amazing, all the sweet trucks. I was all excited about this I wanted to jump up and down. I was thinking Big amazing beautiful truck and tractors.
“Uh well I don’t truck pull but I got this John Deere antique tractor I pull with.” There went all my hopes and dreams of a boyfriend with an amazing truck. “Antique tractor pulling who’s ever heard of that?”
“Oh…Where do you do pull?”
“At different fairs mostly Saturday mornings.” That’s why nobody’s ever heard of it. Who is up and at the fair on a Saturday morning?
I was going to ask him if he pulled anywhere nearby, but I got a text from him before I could send it. “I pull at the Clermont County Fair. I know you show pigs there but you go to Western Brown and you’re in FFA there.” I was scared now; he should not have known that stuff. What a creeper!
“How did you know that?”
“I was looking at your Facebook profile.” You don’t look at someone’s Facebook page unless you’re really close to that person, and Kyle and I defiantly are not close.

Kyle would not go away. He asked me out a couple times but I had to say no. About three weeks before Clermont County Fair I get a text from Kyle.
“We have to meet at the fair!”
“Sorry no time, I’m Busy all week.” No I wasn’t busy all week; I just didn’t want to meet him.
“Yea you’ll have plenty of time. You have weigh-in Sunday morning, Tuesday and Thursday you got pig shows, Wednesday the sheep show, and the sale is on Saturday.” I never told him any of this I didn’t even put most of it on Facebook.
“That’s really creepy. I won’t have time so don’t tell me if I’ll have time or not because you know nothing.” That ticked me off he doesn’t know anything.
“I’m sorry, calm down. Want to ask you out in person.”
“No! You better be sorry and don’t tell me to calm down. I’m not going to go out with you, no matter how much you ask.”

I didn’t hear from Kyle for awhile after that. I’m glad I didn’t to; he’s so annoying I can’t stand him. It was fair week and I was happy. My pigs and sheep were all ready for show and I just love fair week. I could just tell it was fair week by the energy in the air all the nerves, excitement, and frustration. Then I got a text from Kyle Sunday. “Hey I’m getting ready to pass by the fair.” He had just ruined my good mood. How stupid was he, I really couldn’t of cared less if he was getting ready to drive by the President.
“Alright?” I guess that wasn’t the answer he wanted back.

It was Thursday bout 3pm. Fair was going great. The smell of fair food was everywhere. French fries and funnel cakes in hand my friends and I were headed back to Joe’s camper just to chill and hangout for awhile. It was a very hot week and Joe’s camper felt great, nice and cold.
There were five of us in the camper, Joe, Eric, J.R., Allison and me. Allison gets a text. I bet you already guessed who from. It was from Kyle.
“Hey, I know you’re with Megan. You should prank call me!” The kid is messed up in the head. How do you prank call someone when they know you’re going to call them? Allison and I, of course, had to explain the whole thing to the guys. They even thought he was weird.
“Can’t we’re busy” Allison text him back. We had nothing better to do so we went ahead and called him anyways. He had Allison’s and my number’s memorized, so we called from Eric’s phone and restricted the number.
“Hello” he answered finally; we had to call him like 50 times for him to answer.
“Hey!” I said in a very girly voice.
“Allison! I know it’s you. It sounds just like you!” I didn’t sound anything like Allison. Kyle on the other hand sounded just like a girl, kind of like Miley Cyrus (EW!)
We wouldn’t leave him alone he kept talking about how he was at work and we were going to get him fired. Then he told us he was going to call the cops if we didn’t stop calling him. This went on for awhile until we finally told him it was us. He was not happy with us at all. He didn’t text me for a whole month.

Kyle doesn’t text me much anymore and I can’t say that I’m upset that he doesn’t. I still get the occasional text from him, wanting to know why I don’t talk to him anymore. When he does this I just ignore the text. We’re still friends on Facebook and he’s still a loser. As much as I would like to I most likely won’t forget my first and hopefully only stalker.





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JoPepper said...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 5:11 pm
That was pretty good.  Why don't you just de-friend him.  That must've sucked.  Very good!!!
 
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