Sociopath?

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Broken down, Lord, I once poured out, “I feel like sometimes in life things happen that are unexplainable. Whether it’s who they happen to, when they happen, or even what it is that happens, it doesn’t seem fair. It doesn’t seem possible that the world could keep going at is unmanageable pace when my world has stopped. Nothing seems real anymore, and I go through the gloomy, dream-like days in slow motion. People talk at me, and I respond, but I don’t really know what I say. IT doesn’t seem real, and I guess I’ve learned not to be real either.

Life changes everyday. It doesn’t even give me a chance to reach out and grab something that I think could last. Just about the only thing in this world that does’t change and is always real is Jesus. I take refuge in him and music.

Are feelings real? What is love? All of us seem to be searching for it, Did you ever wonder if its not there to be found? Or maybe love is real, maybe its not just a word that people use because they don’t know how to describe something within. To me it just seems weird that we would give something like that a label.

I’ve learned not to make use of these labels. Its not as hard as it sounds. I’ve just learneed to block all those things we label out of my heart. After all, all they really do is cause hurt or lead to a way of being hurt. It’s not that I don’t feel, its just that I feel with my mind. It allows me to absorb this fake world with as little attachments as possible. Sure, occasionally my mind can’t handle anymore, and I cry, but it is a cry of relief and a chance to get all of the recent events out of my head.

Sometimes, something gets to my heart, and I feel a real feeling. Somethings like this I can control and push out of my heart, but a very select few stay there... hurting me and breaking me down. I guess a part of me is real. I float through my brief time in this brief world. Faking’s easy. Maybe there is no part of me that is real... maybe I just want to be.”

Now, Lord, I know who I am. You’ve come in to my heart and taken over my soul. I belong to You and my life is Yours. You are love, and it was You alone who carried me through the lowest period of my time in which my heart was void of love. Now I overflow this love, both in joyous praise and mournful tears as I watch peoples relationships with You. May the whole world be to Your glory.





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