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Surviving the Last Year of Middle School with No Friends: The Real-Life Story of an 8th Grade Girl
*Names in this story have been changed for confidentiality reasons.
It was exactly February 26, 2011 when the chaos in our friendship started. My ex-best friends and I were going on a field trip and it turns out that they found out that I had confided my mom about recent events that had been happening with me and them in other words I had confided my mom about their secrets. I SWEAR I thought my mom would never say anything to their moms! She promised. Then again it was not my mom’s entire fault. The point is that they now knew that my mother knew about their “secrets”. Jazmin's mom had invited my mom over for a “grown up” conversion. Also that day my mother had a “grown up” conversation with Sally's mom. And in these two “grown up” conversations my mom had mentioned to them what I had told her. When I went back to school on February 28, 2011, Betty complained to me because she had heard about what I did. I felt betrayed. Not by my friends, but by my mom. How could she? I thought to myself. Later on that school day the whole group of friends confided me and I just couldn't deal with these friendships any more. It was the end.
Dear Middle School Friends,
Is it really two months that we haven’t been friends? I can’t believe it. Each day it feels like it’s been a week but not a month. Almost two months ago, on February 26, 2011 was when the chaos began. I want to let all of you know that it hurt me and that you all were a very important part of my life and will be. You guys are part of the reason for which I am Adriana.
On February 26 we had a field trip to Colorado University of Boulder for the Expanding Your Horizons. Do you all recall that day? I do. Anyway the point is that I thought that this field trip would be a nice time for us to hang out and although only Betty and Sally went I knew that we could have fun. As we drove to Boulder, Sally and Betty were talking about how Sally's mom had found out that Sally and her boyfriend were going through tough times and that who could of told her mom.
“Who ever told your mom, it wasn't their business to tell her, it's your own decision and life if you wanted to tell her or not.” Betty said.
From what I heard in your conversation I immediately knew that I was the one who had told my mom about this. I didn't say a word to you too. I felt awful, but at the same time angry. A little angry at your conversation, but mainly angry that my mom had left me down and talked to your mother about what I told her. It made me really sad and spent the field trip sad. On Monday 28th, 2011 Betty walked into science class and as soon as she saw me she burst towards me and complained to me that “Why did I have to go tell my mom these things, that now she was going to get in trouble?” and “If we tell you about our things then it’s for me to keep them safe.” I knew I had done wrong, I so badly wanted to cry but I didn’t want to cause a show for those nosy people. During recess that Monday Betty, Sally, Kellie, and Jackie came up to me and Sally, you said, “Adri, can we talk?” I didn’t want to but for some reason I couldn’t walk away. You guys said some things that made me so angry but at the same time very sad. I promised to you all that since it is not my business to be telling my mom about your “secrets” that I wouldn’t care ANYMORE about you. I remember my words precisely, “If that’s the way you want it then I won’t care about you when you’re in jail or when you are on the streets. I don’t care about you guys.”
I felt awful and I couldn’t stop crying after all that. I knew that talking to you all would worsen things. People asked what was wrong, but I just nodded; I couldn't and wouldn’t speak, not yet. The next day Sally tried talking to me. She said, “So are we talking to each other?” I shook my head no, I was angry and hurt, and I’d sworn I would never be your friend. Things changed right away. We didn’t sit with each other in science. I stopped walking with Jackie to second period (I thought you didn’t like me either).
Days, weeks, and months passed. I was really sad and at a month I began to reflect on the event. What had I done wrong? What did you all do wrong? What would be my decision? I know that in a way I had let you down my telling my mom your “secrets”, but you also had to understand that that was me and I wouldn’t change just to be seen well in your eyes. I rather have my mom than you guys. (no offense). I also might have hurt your feelings with the words that I had said to you. You know I kind of feel selfish because all this time I had thought only of me and never of what you all might have felt. Never did I think about what you were all feeling. But in the other hand I saw you all happy with each other enjoying each other’s company like I used to with all of you. I even felt like you all replaced me with Oliver. That hurt even more, all I could do was feel depressed and sad. What did you all do wrong? Personally, I thought you (Betty and Sally) were exaggerating. Yes you had reason to be mad at the moment, I guess, but like I said,” Just the same way that you need someone to let out what you feel out on, so do I and would you have preferred for me to have told everyone in the school or my mom. My mom was only trying to help you and meant no harm.” I reflected on what Betty said, “I am a person that holds grudges and if I get in trouble later on I am going to hold a grudge on you. If later my mom tells me something I am going to say “oh it was Adriana who caused this”. I reflected on this and guess what you didn’t even get in trouble or have you? It was a waste of you words to have threatened me that way. It made me angry that you said this and it turns out you didn’t even get in trouble; you made a big show. I was lonely on this journey. No one was by my side. Shirley and her group were by my side but it wasn’t the same because different people hang out differently. I cried at recess the next day and I spent that recess by myself on a bench. I cried as I looked out towards the field and saw you all playing happily without me. I thought, “It’s my entire fault,” But really it wasn’t we all share an equal amount of fault. I decided that I didn’t want to be your friend any more but it wasn’t bad to talk to each other. I forgive you for what happened and I hope that you all can forgive me and not hold a “grudge” against me for the rest of your lives. I am truly sorry.
This entire friend problem had its benefits as well. It shaped me into a stronger Adriana. I am more independent. I focus on my school work more. I want to let you all know that I appreciate all those awesome moments we had together. You were my best friends and deep down somewhere in my heart you always will be. Although I don’t like throwing these two powerful word around as if they where some sort of toy, I loved you and love you all greatly because when we were friends you all molded me into Adriana. Parts of my personality were built on you. Sally, you taught me to be confident in myself, all of you did. I wasn’t as shy. Betty you taught me to “fight”; be braver. Jackie you were my buddy whom I’d ask for advice. Now with this problem I have also been molded and my mold has improved to a more mature Adriana. I am much stronger than before. I’ve learned to make decisions in tough times and do what is best for me to continue successfully in my life. For some reason this drama had to occur. For whatever reason I am glad that you guys came across to be in my life and although we are not friends any longer, I wish you all the best now that we are going separate ways. Thanks “Friends”
Adriana M. (Adri)
Are you having a hard time making friends? Have you tried almost everything and still have no friends? Well if you are, simply follow these steps:
Step 1: SMILE! :D
Smiling does not kill so go for it just smile, who knows maybe they might smile back.
Step 2: Address the person you’d like to make friends with by his/her name.
When you address this person by his/her name you show that you are interested in getting to know them better.
Step 3: Be Genuine!
Genuine means to be original also meaning be yourself. People are mainly attracted to someone who is genuine and interested in them.
Step 4: Relax!
Don’t get to over excited or nervous. Just take a deep breath and relax.
Step 5: Make Conversation.
Ask questions like, “What’s your favorite color?”, “What music do you listen to?”, “What do you like to eat?” etc… But don’t ask questions that are too personal.
Step 6: Be a good listener!
Don’t make a conversation and completely ignore what they say. Listen and have feedback/advice for the discussion. It would look good that you just changed the topic all because you weren’t listening.
Step 7: Build on common ground.
See what things you have in common. Do you have common interests? Do you do the same hobbies?
Step 8: Respect differences in opinion.
Don’t argue in your disagreement this leads your friendships into risks of breaking apart. Differences in opinion are part of what makes a friendship exciting and fun. Be open-minded.
Step 9: Compliment when called for.
People love compliment and especially positive feedback. It’s part of being friendly.
Step 10: Keep in touch.
Call, text, e-mail, or invite them to do something fun or just a simple check-in once in a while. You want to let them know that you care about them and that they are important in your life.
Step 11: Enjoy your Friendship!
Make it last and take it easy!
Friends can support you in whatever you may need support in. They should support your dreams, ambitions and goals in life. Support can come in many forms
Friends can be your friends but yet they can gossip. Everyone’s annoying sometimes and that’s when the gossip starts.
Friends are honest to you. They are honest to you in the good and in the bad. Without honesty, there can be no trust.
Friends can give of negative that influence your life. Sometimes it doesn’t help if all they can do is be rude and mean to you and you don’t need that because it does not help.
A friend will be with you in all kinds of weather. No matter if you are having good or bad moments a “true” friend should always be there for you not just when it’s convenient. “True” friends stay with you in the lowest point in your life.
There are friends that will fail you. They might say that they will be there for you and then the next thing you know they ditched you.
Friends care about you. They don’t just show that they care with word but they show that they care with actions as well.
Friends can lie to you. It may hurt but it is true.
Friends are trustworthy. A friend who knows a secret that you have won’t go and divulge such information to others, unless it is for safety reasons.
Can get you into trouble. They can just look for a moment in which they can get you into trouble because they are jealous of you for something.
Friends are sincere. They are friends with you for who you are not for interest.
Friends won’t stand up for you. There are cases in which they see other people picking on you and they just laugh along and pick on you. They do nothing to stand up for you. They take sides.
You can depend on a friend. They will be there when they tell you they will be there.
Don’t understand. They hear you, but don’t listen to you and therefore they can’t understand you.
Friends have positive influences in your life. If it comes to your emotions or other aspects in your life, it’s nice to know that you have friends that will provide the positivity you need to face a challenge in life.
Friends pretend to be your friend. They are interested in materialistic things, not in for what you are.
Friends understand you. They are able to understand your needs as a person. They understand that you are only human and are not perfect, they will still accept you for who you are,
Friends are with you for convenience. When it is most convenient for them they are with you but when you aren’t they go with someone else.
Friends are responsible. Mold you into a responsible person. They won’t abuse or manipulate you.
They reveal your secrets. They can fail and revealing secrets can lose trust in a friendship.
Adriana’s World Wide Definitions
Find all sorts of definitions for any word on this Dictionary!
Search for: Friend
1. a person attached to another person by emotion
2. a person who is there for you in all kinds of weather. (Supporter)
3. a person who is not there for some sort of benefit.
1. comrade, chum, crony, confidant. 2. Backer, advocate.4. ally, associate, confrere, compatriot,
Search for: Friendship
1. the state of being a friend
2. a friendly relation or intimacy
3. friendly feeling or disposition.
2. harmony, accord, understanding, rapport.
-Information not precise, due to memory loss.
(Monday morning in Mr. Gambado’s science class, Betty bursts into the room and complains to Adriana)
Betty: “Why the heck did you have to go tell your mom that I talked to some one that’s in jail? If I tell you these things it’s because I trust you and you don’t have to reveal them to anyone else?”
(Adriana stares in shock. Eyes get watery. Sits in her seat and a couple tears roll down her cheek. She wipes them of and tries to concentrate on her work.)
(Later at recess Betty, Sally, and two other friends confront Adriana who is out in the field by herself.)
Betty and Sally: Adriana, we need to talk.
(Tries to walk away, but for some reason stays)
Betty: “I didn’t want to do this because I know you are going to tell your mom, but with or without talking to you I know you will tell your mom.
(Adriana just stands there and waits for something else.)
Betty:” I just want to say that what you did was pretty messed up and if we decide to share a secret with you it is because we trust you and you don’t have to go and tell your mom or anyone. Now because of you I am going to get in trouble.”
Adriana: “Okay, look it’s not my fault that I tell my mom everything. At least I have a good relationship with her. And yeah I may have done wrong but what do you expect me to do, just the same way that you want to let something out of your system, I want to let things out of my system and I don’t think you would prefer me to go and get things out by telling them to people from school. My mom meant no harm to you and didn’t want to get you guys into trouble.”
(Adriana starts to cry)
Sally: “Yeah, we know and what girl wouldn’t like to have a good relationship with her mom, but we didn’t want to let them know and it’s our decision what we want them to know. Adri, I didn’t want to see you cry, we’re just disappointed.”
Betty: “All I’m saying is that I’m one of those people that hold grudges for a long time and if I get in trouble because of you I am going to hold a grudge against you.”
(Through tears Adriana says:)
Adriana: “Okay, if you guys don’t want me to care about you then fine, I won’t. I won’t care when you are in jail, I won’t care when you end up in the streets because I won’t be the one suffering and seeing you be in a bad path. You guys are right it’s your choice if you want to be in a good path or not, because I don’t care about you guys anymore.”
(The whistle that signals for the end of recess goes off and Adriana cries her way to get in line)
FaceSpace.com >>>Messages>>> Sally Zuko
Sally Zuko April 19 at 1:41pm
Hey dude , I know we don't hang out AS much as we use to , but I still love you Adri , and I see your going through some hard times , so if you need to talk , we can talk :) I’m here for you, and we can leave the past as the past, our friendship is stronger :)
Adrianaa April 19 at 5:16pm
I wish I could tell you everything I feel, but honestly when I said I don't care, I didn't mean it, I said it because I was angry. And if you "love me" the way you say you "love me" I don't think that you would have stayed the way you did. I think that if you "love me" you would have done something about it right away, now I know you’re not going to be begging but honestly if you care about our friendship you would do something and I thought that our relationship was stronger, a 7 year friendship was stronger rather than a 3 year friendship. I forgive you, but it hurt you know that you would rather choose them over me. And at least you didn't get to feel what it is to actually be lonely, you had them by your side 24/7 and me, I was alone. Yeah Shirley was there for me but it's not the same. It hurts me that some one that I don't hang out with as much cares more about me than you that I have known longer. It wasn't my mom's fault and Betty made me feel that way, but you know whatever. I try very hard every day to not let this problem get to me and I hold my tears back. You know friends come and go. This is a few of what I feel cause trust me there's more, it just doesn't come out. I am sorry. :(
Sally Zuko April 20 at 8:36pm
Well I was gonna talk to you in person, but I was afraid you were gonna cry & I didn’t want to make it awkward, so I’ll just tell you here. And honestly Adriana, I did do something right away. The next day, when we got off the bus in the morning, I ran up to catch up to you & I said "Well Adri, I know we are mad, but do you still wanna hang out?" and you straight up just said "No" and you had this look in your eyes . . . & I’ll be honest when you shook your head & said no like that, it hurt my feelings that I was trying to work things out & you said no. So I thought, "Dang, Adri needs time then, I guess she is really mad. I'm going to give her time then & I gave you time. We all miss you Adriana & yes we were mad, but only for like a day. We wanted you back, well I did the next day, but you just said no. so i gave you your time , I didn't want to bother you :I but I'm sorry too and we were never like angry at you that we didn't want to hang out with you no more we were just upset & honestly we wouldn't mind you back with us if you want, but it's what you want Adri and I'm sorry , but I do love you like a friend cause I did try to make up right away & you said no , so i gave you your time . so yeah I'm sorry Adri , and if you ever wanna hang out with us again it's cool ,we aren’t mad, but if you still are , it's okay. Oh & congrats on that award thing :)
Adrianaa April 21 at 12:37pm
Okay look. Yeah I may have said no then because it just happened and then you could have tried again. Also if you guys weren't mad or upset then why did you guys just make a big deal out of it? Even Betty threatened of holding grudges and stuff. And I don't wanna cuss but I think Betty doesn't give a damn. I don't know okay I don't want to get in an argument okay, but I am sorry. Just I don't know I really don't know, I am sorry but I don't believe what you say.
Sally Zuko April 21 at 2:09pm
Aye Adriana, you see I’m trying to be cool with you and you are resisting, so what am I suppose to do when I am trying and trying but you don’t want to. & honestly, I tried at first, you said no, so I gave you your time. I wanted you to really calm down, so I was not going to keep bothering you. & I can’t say anything about Betty cause well, I’m not her and I don’t know what she feels. I’m saying what I feel , and I’m sorry but I have been trying and trying and if you still don't believe me , then okay . There is nothing I can do now I guess?
Adrianaa April 21 at 4:32pm
I am only resisting cause I am scared...I mean I miss you and I want to be your friend so bad!! I don’t want to make the wrong turn; I don't want it to happen again. I just don't wanna care, but I can't because you were and deep down will be my friend. I am scared because my mom... she got mad of what u all did and I don’t want her to think wrong...I don’t and won’t to look like a dumbass. I feel it won't be the same; I am scared...I don’t know why but I am. I want to try to be your friend but I am not sure. :(
Sally Zuko April 21 at 6:08pm
Oh, I see Adriana. But I really understand you about your mom, cause that has happened with me with my mom with James, like she got mad an wanted me to stay away from him and I did because I wanted to look strong with my mom , but deep down I missed him and wanted to go back with being cool with him . But I didn’t want to look weak to my mom. so I understand Adri , and I understand that deep down you are scared , I really do , & that is why I wanted to give you your time , so that you can completely heal . I mean , Adri I have known you since we were in kindergarten , and I do miss you too , but I also understand you gotta be strong and do what’s best , or like be strong for we all messed up in some way or another . And I don’t wanna force you to do anything, and if you still need time then its okay. but I will tell you , no matter what you believe or don't believe , in my heart you will still be my best friend , close to my heart , like a sister . & if you ever want to hang out again, when you are completely healed and not scared, you can :) I don’t have a problem with that. I will always be glad to accept you back. I mean, we shouldn’t rush things because we miss each other. If we need a bit time to completely heal and REALLY forget what happened, then let that happen. Just know that I’m not mad at you and am here for you when you are ready, I don’t wanna rush you or anything , you know ? And I am truly sorry, to you and your mom. I respect you both, but we all had our moments of anger. But that anger for me passed within two days, that’s why I talked to you. But if you need time, I will give you that because sometimes it’s not good to rush things. But we can try, you know, to hang out again, to see. Or we can wait till it passes between you and your mom you know? Well it’s whatever you want Adri, I miss you and will always accept you , but if you are not sure yet , then it’s okay , you don’t have to feel pressured . . .
Adrianaa April 26 at 7:21pm
Hehe I felt like being like that, Anyway on a serious note you know we can be cool now. I am thinking maybe not to be friends but you know just be cool and talk to each other. Maybe not as friends but as two people that knows each other. Well yeah, we may not be friends and it may hurt me once in a while but at least I can know we know each other.
Sally Zuko April 26 at 7:23pm
Ha-ha you dork: P but anyway, um I don’t get you Hehe. So you wanna be cool, but not as close as before? Or like not cool at all? I don’t get it that much. Sorry Hehe
Adrianaa April 26 at 7:25pm
No. Yeah we are cool. All is forgotten, this sounds harsh, we aren’t friends but we cool like cool. Do you get me?
Sally Zuko April 26 at 7:27pm
Hmm, I think so , like if we talk , we talk , and we get along , but not really something strong ?
Adrianaa April 26 at 7:28pm
Basically, I guess for now know?
Sally Zuko April 26 at 7:29pm
Yeah whatever is fine with you as long as we aren’t enemies :)
Adriana April 26 at 7:29pm
Adrianaa April 26 at 7:30pm
We never were! But I'd like to be that too! Ha-ha just kidding
Sally Zuko April 26 at 7:32pm
* No? <--- didn’t get that.
Ha-ha honestly Adri if you actually don’t wanna be friends at all its okay , I mean I am not gonna get mad , I just want you to be happy , you know ? No bad intentions you know?
Adrianaa April 26 at 7:36pm
Yeah, I get it. I want to be your Friend but not yet, you know cause I feel like I won't be ready....cause you have other friends now and well don’t wanna get into detail cause then I'll get pissed and we will have to start all over again and blah..Blah..Blah okay! I get what you mean and sorry that I may not be making sense... I am kind of hyper
Sally Zuko April 26 at 7:37pm
Ha-ha aye Adri :) no its all good, I understand what you mean though. So yeah I get you & we can do that: D
Adrianaa April 26 at 7:37pm
Can do what?
Sally Zuko April 26 at 7:38pm
Be like cool, but not, cool cool. Hehe
Adrianaa April 26 at 7:40pm
Oh yeah...Sorry! Well yeah...............................
Sally Zuko April 26 at 7:40pm
It’s all good :) Hehe well yeah, I guess if there is nothing to say, then see you tomorrow: D
I believed in TRUE friendship. Maybe my mom is right. "There is not one true friend, in this life. Your only friend is money." she says. At first, I didn't want to believe it but it's true, after what happened between my friends and I, I don't think I'll be able to believe in a "TRUE" friendship. I thought how could money be your friend? My friends are TRUE to me, they NEVER do ANYTHING to make me feel bad. We are like sisters. But then we got in an argument that led to loss of friendships. That’s when I started realizing that what my mom had been telling me might have been right. No matter what happened between us, I want to let them know that they have taken a part of my life and they were important.
What is a REAL friend? Well according to this quote, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." -Anonymous. Do I agree with this quote? Yes. Do YOU agree with this quote? I don't know, do you? Well if you do, then you probably have gotten hurt by someone you thought was your friend. I have. I don't think that you'd like to be in my friendship position any time in your life. It hurts so badly in the bottom of my heart. It Happened to me.
Friendship is like Love in a way, its great when you’re blinded by a bundle of attention but when you fight it’s the worst. It happened to me and I say don’t let yourself get blinded by the attention and the warmth your friends give you. Don’t be fooled because it’s TRUE there are No TRUE friends in this world. If you have a True friend or consider yourself a good friend, then please introduce yourself to me. I’d like to meet you! I don’t intend to be mean about friendship but all I am saying is to not become too attached to your friends because the likely hood is that you will end up hurt. It Happened to me.
“Two are better than one: they get a good wage for their labor. If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up. “-Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. What this quote is trying to say is that two are better than one. I agree. I want no other person to have to be the solitary man. It sucks! It’s real tough to go through special events of my life when my friends aren’t there to cheer me on. It’s tough when your companion is not there to lift you up when you fall. It’s tough, but it happened to me.
I am not saying that having friends is the worst thing that could happen to you, I’m just saying to be wise of which people are your friends. I know I’ll keep my eye open and my mouth shut. If you do get in an argument the best way to cope from the friendship loss is to get over it. When you feel like you have heeled it is good for you to reflect. Reflect on why you’re wrong and reflect on why they are wrong. It’s not just about you; your friends may be suffering too. It may not seem that way, but inside they might be. Have friends but don’t get attached because you may end up hurt. It Happened to me.
It was exactly February 26, 2011 when the chaos in our friendship started. Now it is May 5, 2011. Almost three months without friends by my side, sure Shirley has been there for me and so has Eunice, but it’s not the same after hanging out with the same people for so long. Sally said, “we can leave the past as the past, our friendship is stronger” Yes, I know, but I’m not sure if I can trust her. Why? She’s tried I know but true friends are there, maybe she’s not a good friend. I don’t know but I do know that this friendship is no longer convenient to me. I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to hurt them. So for me it is best to grow up and move on no matter how much it hurts, because everyone and any one has the right to be who they want and I am not going to force anyone to do something they don’t want. 3 months without you girls have been hard but guess what, I have slowly moved on. I’ll never forget the day Sally and I became friends. Remember, “I like your dog?” and “Super Reflexes?” I do. Girls I will never forget the day we weren’t friends anymore and I won’t forget who you all were in my life. Thank you because now I actually believe I am stronger as a person. This sour event that has taken place in our lives has now turned for the best in our lives, and I think that that is to have grown our personalities.