My Name

March 28, 2011
On the birth certificate, it is Jennifer Rose Cowin. By my family and friends, it is Jen or Jennie. It means human jumping bean. It means risk-taker. It means firework. This name belongs to me, and it will for the rest of my life.

I grew up in a stable, yet hectic home of six. Butting heads with my siblings and turning my house into a tornado was just a couple of my childhood traits. When I was young, my name was red-haired, bug-eyed little kitten. I was playful and cute, but inside I was aggressive, like a fireball.

At the ages of twelve and thirteen, my life had turned for the worst. My name went from “cuddly little kitten” to “all hope is lost” in the matter of a year. My name became “the girl who had anger problems” and “the girl who acted like the living dead.” Inside me, I knew my name was Jennie, but I didn’t know who I was as a person. It was like living in a fog, not being able to see two-feet in front of you.

Finding who you are can be very difficult at times. It’s like being lost in a forest, and there being three or more different paths you have to choose between to find home again. I have been stereotyped in so many different ways, and that can really affect a person. For the longest time, I didn’t know which stereotype to choose from for myself. I thought I was supposed to be someone everyone told me to be. I thought I didn’t get to choose what my life was all about. It felt like the name Jennie was supposed to be a specific type of person, and it didn’t feel right.

After some drama blew away, I decided to look at my life and appreciate it. I realized that constantly trying to figure out who “Jennie” really was was a waste of time. I’m whoever I want to be. I am in control of me. Why should I doubt myself? Life has pain. Life also has mystery and a truckload of confusion. But does that get in the way of how I want to live my life? Of course it doesn’t! A name is a name. It may be how people know or see you, but it will never be able to define who you are. I am not saying that I have fully grasped who I really am, because that is something that can take a lifetime to achieve. I do know, though, that the way people see me is not the way I should see myself.

In my perspective, the letter “I” means something completely different than your name. For example, my name is Jennifer Rose Cowin. I am weird. I am a proud little ginger ninja. I have teenage issues just like everyone else and I often feel like a bomb just waiting to explode. I know somewhat of who I am, and that makes me strong. Life is going to give you crap. People are going to try to tell you who you are, or who you should be, My solution: don’t listen to them. After all, a name is just a name.

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback