Have you ever felt like you were depressed? My mom always told me that I seemed to be unhappy but I didn't pay much attention. I never considered my self depressed. To this day I somehow feel that I can't be and never will be. But that's not what the symptoms say. I read online all about depression. I learned all the types of depression and their symptoms. I took a test to see if I was considered depressed. My results came back...positive. Most of the times I feel sad and irritable. Then sometimes I feel nothing...I literally have no feelings...no love...no hate...not sad...but not happy...just nothing. I have lost enjoyment in all the activities that I used to enjoy. I never want to leave home. I'd rather sleep then go out and have fun with my friends. I have no appetite at all. I have also lost some weight...I have never cared about my weight. I care less if I am 150 lbs. or 100 lbs. I used to weigh 125-128 lbs. Now I I am down to 115-117 lbs. In my point of view losing 13 lbs. is too much for such a short period of time when I haven't tried to lose weight. I lost that amount in less than 2 months. It's not like I try not to eat...but when I start to eat...after a few minutes...I want to throw-up. Absolutely everything is disgusting to me...I don't enjoy junk food! I am always tired. No matter how much I sleep I always wake up tired. I can sleep more than 12 hours and I would still be tired. I try to go to sleep early because I have to wake up at least at 6 a.m. because I have school. So I go to sleep around 9 p.m. That is 9 hours. I used to be more than enough for me. Now it seems like it's not even half the amount of sleep I need. At school I can not concentrate at all. I forget to do simple stuff like write down my homework. Then I go home and not do my homework because I thought we didn't have homework. But my feelings toward my grades are nothing now. I used to care about school and my future...but now I don't care. I really don't care if I fail a major test...it just doesn't matter to me. I play soccer. I am one of the best on my team and I am not just saying it...my coach has told me many times before. My mom payed for my indoor season this year. We weren't having any games...just practices. I went to practice...about...zero times. I would have practices on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday in the morning...my excuse-"Too early". Sundays in the after noon. My excuse..."I just don't feel like going". I always feel tired and I have no energy for doing anything. I feel hopeless and worthless most of the time. More like all the time. I have though about death...not really like jumping off a building or hanging myself but I have though about dying. I feel like I just want to go to sleep tonight and never wake up. Sleeping is my favorite part of the day...no joke. I just feel all these stuff are not normal. I want to talk to my mom about what's happening to me, but I feel like I can't trust her. I trust her but...not with this. I feel scared that she'll say I'm lying or that she'll tell all her friends what's happening to me. I don't know if this is depression. I want to go to a psychologist but I don't know how to do that without my mom finding out. I am only 15.I need advice...what do I do? Someone tell me...am I depressed?
Am I Depressed?
March 14, 2011