Am I Depressed?

By , Bridgeport, CT
Have you ever felt like you were depressed? My mom always told me that I seemed to be unhappy but I didn't pay much attention. I never considered my self depressed. To this day I somehow feel that I can't be and never will be. But that's not what the symptoms say. I read online all about depression. I learned all the types of depression and their symptoms. I took a test to see if I was considered depressed. My results came back...positive. Most of the times I feel sad and irritable. Then sometimes I feel nothing...I literally have no feelings...no love...no hate...not sad...but not happy...just nothing. I have lost enjoyment in all the activities that I used to enjoy. I never want to leave home. I'd rather sleep then go out and have fun with my friends. I have no appetite at all. I have also lost some weight...I have never cared about my weight. I care less if I am 150 lbs. or 100 lbs. I used to weigh 125-128 lbs. Now I I am down to 115-117 lbs. In my point of view losing 13 lbs. is too much for such a short period of time when I haven't tried to lose weight. I lost that amount in less than 2 months. It's not like I try not to eat...but when I start to eat...after a few minutes...I want to throw-up. Absolutely everything is disgusting to me...I don't enjoy junk food! I am always tired. No matter how much I sleep I always wake up tired. I can sleep more than 12 hours and I would still be tired. I try to go to sleep early because I have to wake up at least at 6 a.m. because I have school. So I go to sleep around 9 p.m. That is 9 hours. I used to be more than enough for me. Now it seems like it's not even half the amount of sleep I need. At school I can not concentrate at all. I forget to do simple stuff like write down my homework. Then I go home and not do my homework because I thought we didn't have homework. But my feelings toward my grades are nothing now. I used to care about school and my future...but now I don't care. I really don't care if I fail a major test...it just doesn't matter to me. I play soccer. I am one of the best on my team and I am not just saying it...my coach has told me many times before. My mom payed for my indoor season this year. We weren't having any games...just practices. I went to practice...about...zero times. I would have practices on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday in the morning...my excuse-"Too early". Sundays in the after noon. My excuse..."I just don't feel like going". I always feel tired and I have no energy for doing anything. I feel hopeless and worthless most of the time. More like all the time. I have though about death...not really like jumping off a building or hanging myself but I have though about dying. I feel like I just want to go to sleep tonight and never wake up. Sleeping is my favorite part of the day...no joke. I just feel all these stuff are not normal. I want to talk to my mom about what's happening to me, but I feel like I can't trust her. I trust her but...not with this. I feel scared that she'll say I'm lying or that she'll tell all her friends what's happening to me. I don't know if this is depression. I want to go to a psychologist but I don't know how to do that without my mom finding out. I am only 15.I need advice...what do I do? Someone tell me...am I depressed?





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WRIT3R4LIF3 said...
Mar. 20, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Hey, you are amazing. Keep your head up. I'm sorry but it does sound like depression. From the hole of it to the numbness of it. Loss of appitite also, yeah it does sound like you're depressed. I'm really sorry. *hugs*

You are strong. Please keep smiling and get help before you get worse.

 
cheetoz45680 replied...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 4:20 pm
thanks for telling me what you think. and yes i got help now
 
cheetoz45680 replied...
Apr. 7, 2011 at 10:48 am
im seeing a psychologist because my mom found out that i was cutting
 
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