How is it possible to believe something you can not see? Something that is not there? Something that defies everything occurring around you? It is. Somehow, faith still lingers in the air. And the only thing you can do is welcome it as you inhale its richness. Here's my situation: I think I'm in love, I think I've found my soul mate, I think I've found my one and only but he hasn't found me. While he goes on living his unchanging life, I'm entangled in my own emotions, thoughts, and ideologies--that no one ever seems to understand. Yes, its true, I'm abnormal; yet I still have the same doubts, dreams, and fears every "normal" person has. As I sit here, staring aimlessly at this screen, friends are out living--talking to boys, being a normal girl flirting with normal guys. But me, I'm different. Yes, I know that I'm not the only different one but there’s something terribly odd about me. Don't ask what it is-- I'm still trying to figure it out-- all I know is that I was meant for something bigger than merely to live. God, or however you want to call this omni powerful being, created me to be something; for a special purpose. So I go on, I wake up in the morning to another "regular" day because I-the girl utterly lost in a world of beings without souls- still have faith. I still dream, I still fear, and I still doubt. I still believe that suffering has got to be worth something, that sometime in the near future I will be rewarded with happiness. My journey, as I like to call it, has been a wild one-- typical right? I've read plenty of books to learn a thousand things about atoms, animals, human beings, earth, gods, the universe and yet I am still left with an emptiness, a black heavy hole in the middle of my chest. I'm left with answers that make no sense, answers that make sense but seem impossible, answers that make sense and are possible but can not comprehend. Philosophers have, for centuries, struggled to explain complex ideas to the ordinary man without remembering how difficult, frustrating, and depressing it is to even try to understand something that seems bigger than you, something that should be left to the master minds. That is my second, in my everlasting issues with the world.
I am not just another abnormal girl.
March 8, 2011