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My First "Self-Pity" Day
I think it’s time that I get a life, when I have no use for Myspace anymore.
It’s a sad, sad life. I don’t understand. I’m likable enough, right? I can’t say I’m perfectly social or something along those lines but I think I get the general gist of the “making friends” system. Then why am I so ALONE? Why don’t people like me? I think I’m kind of witty. I’m not exactly drop-dead ugly. I’m might not be the most outgoing person, or the most loud and attention-grabbing person but I’m not exactly going to shy away from another person who tries to start a conversation.
I like being social and talking to people. I like making people feel comfortable around me and feeling like they could laugh and relax and just have a good time around me. Wow, I used to be a lot shyer when I was in the fifth grade, but I had people BEGGING to be my friend. Now, I’m not so shy and people just avoid me like the plague. Seriously, did puberty make me that much of a b****? I don’t try to steal your boyfriend, and I don’t try to make you feel bad about yourself. I think I deserve to make friends. ONCE in a while, right? Maybe it's the fact that i keep changing schools? I don't seem to stay anywhere for longer than a year. (Honestly, i think I year is more than enough to meet people. Unless I start avoid them myself)
The only thing I can do to comfort myself would be to wrap myself up into my work. Work sure as heck ain’t comforting, but it wouldn’t purposefully ignore you. Heck, it’s kind of the opposite. People do the most they can to ignore it, because it’s always screaming in your face. I could just concentrate on my work, take up a few extra classes I need, study, take up that kickboxing class I’ve been dying to try out. But I’m not exactly begging for that label of “psycho nerd”, you know the one that doesn’t even go to prom because they’re too busy studying. (Guessing from how busy my social life is at the moment that seems to be where I’m headed).
Surprisingly, I managed to meet two people in one day (a record for me, especially these last few weeks). We had an Open House (where the parents come in to meet the teachers, and the teacher gets the chance to totally kick your butt if you've been bugging them) and i hadn't had the chance to change out of my physc. ed. clothes. My school's PE shorts are extra long and baggy (that's saying something, because I was wearing a small.) and stop right under my knees. I had worked out, so i pulled off my shirt and wore only a spaghetti strap shirt. I placed my shirt around my neck, and walked around for a bit while my mom came to meet my teachers. After a few minutes, i started to realize something. So many people seemed to be avoiding my gaze. It occured to me that, it must have been because of the way i was dressed. Baggy shorts, tight shirt, messy bun, serious gaze, shirt around the neck. All i needed to complete my look was the penciled eyebrows and big hoop earrings. You following, right? But two guys grinnned at me (i had no idea who they were) and started a conversation. It mainly consisted of this:
Guy #1- Sup.
Me- Umm, sup?
Guy #2- Sh_t's dumb huh?
Me- (huh?!) Yeah, totally stupid.
Guy #1- Haven't seen you around. You pretty dope.
Me- (okay, seriously confused to where this is headed) You too man.
Guy #2- Well, we gotta go. Gonna go kick it with my girl, and this foo gotta get home.
Me- (wow) right man, see ya later.
So the "badass" look gets you pointless conversations*. awesome. Any conversation is better than none right? ha. So wrong.
It’s hard to be religiously related to the queen bee. (My sister’s godmother has a daughter who I happen to be friends with) Samara, my god-sister is the social butterfly of her school. She was invited to homecoming last year with a Junior (11th grader) and this year, it’s with a senior. Yeah, I can already picture her getting chosen to be the Prom Queen. Oh joy. I’m already planning to miss my own homecoming (I seriously have to study. How sad) and I’m not looking forward to going to prom. How pathetic is it, when you’ve got your god-sister wondering if you’re going to make friends? Yeah, it sucks.
Samara’s already told me, in her little preppy-ish voice
*gasp* “Erika, you’ve GOT to go to prom! And homecoming! Think of it, if you don’t go it’s like…social suicide”. She whispered the last part so seriously and dramatically, it took every fiber of my being to keep a straight face. Yeah, screw the poor little orphan children in Third world countries, when your social status depends on PROM!
I love how deep and non-superficial she can be sometimes. It really inspires me to want to be like her.
Apart from my super crappy attitude, she seriously is a nice person though. You know, when she’s not actually ACTING like the queen bee. She’s great to go for advice when it’s about something like fashion, guys or how to deal with girls who have the attitude of a 90 year old drag queen on their periods. Sorry, I’ve got this problem my friends like to call “mouth droppings”. I like to say “i-can’t-keep-my-mouth-shut-long-enough-to-not-make-someone-angry”, but you know. Each to their own.
Well. Prom night should be entertaining then. Better get those vocabulary flash cards out.
I’m just SUCH a lucky person aren’t I?
(*FYI: Yes, there ARE smart teens! A: I was having a bad day.
B: I'm terrible at slang. I'm pretty sure they were saying something...important?
C: I believe that comment applied to those two kids. Just them)