How to Live with MCS

January 24, 2011
By tlitchman GOLD, New Canaan, Connecticut
tlitchman GOLD, New Canaan, Connecticut
12 articles 0 photos 2 comments

How to Live With MCS
Living with Middle Child Syndrome entails a hard life wrought with many tribulations. Since being diagnosed with MCS at the tender age of three at 9:32 PM on August 14, 1997, I have been victim to an onslaught of its symptoms. That eventful summer day, being the day my younger brother entered this world, with much screaming, I may add, signified the end of a glorious life-style: that of the youngest child. Although I had been subject to the cruel ministrations of my older sister, I was still the beloved “baby” of the family.
To cope with this new way of life, characterized by neglect, loneliness, and “hand-me-downs” galore, I had to come up with a defense strategy (well, actually more of an offense strategy). Thanks to my plan, my life has been completely transformed. Successfully completing the following steps to this approach will not only mitigate the symptoms of those afflicted with this syndrome, it will cure the victim:

Step 1: Master the art of manipulation:
Manipulation is a useful skill... no, a necessary skill to have if you are a middle child. You must be able to convince, lie, cheat, flatter, and employ your cuteness; all for a just cause, of course. Persuade your sister to move to the basement, thus making you the sole owner of the bathroom. While doing this, though, you must make sure she thinks it was her own idea. Explain to her the logicality of such a move, since her relocation to the basement only benefits her, of course.

Step 2: Play up the guilt factor:
Your sister just got a new car and your brother a new video game. What did you get? Absolutely nothing. It is now time to open your parents’ eyes to the despondency of your situation. Instead of complaining, sit in the corner, pouting unobtrusively. Evoking pity will ensure a quick trip to the mall.

Step 3: Throw a hissy fit:
Being an angel every second of the day will NOT help your situation. Your parents will just get accustomed to such excellence. “Hey Mom I just got a 98% on my math test!” will only elicit a “That’s great, honey”. This is not acceptable.

Therefore, employ that incredible set of lungs you have been gifted with. Scream a little! Pull someone’s hair in the process! Stomping your foot might overdo it though, so be tasteful in your methodology. The more chaos you cause, the more attention you will receive. Okay, so I’m not saying you should have a tantrum every single day, or else you will just become irritating and earn the title “Brat”. But by eliciting attention through both positive and negative methods, you will always be unpredictable.

Step 4: Show your siblings up (outshine them):
Unleash your inner talent (the one your siblings don’t have and cannot compete with). Be on the same JV sports team as your sister who is two years older. Score more points than her. Show off that academic ability of yours. If your brother gets an A, then get an A+. Yes, push your siblings into the sidelines. Get high honors for the entirety of your freshman year. Sure, you won’t be the only one in your entire school to do so, but your parents don’t need to know that.

Step 5: Pit your siblings against each other:
Doesn’t it seem like your brother and sister always team up against you? If so, then it is time to sever that alliance.
Steal your sister’s prized Chanel bag. Then tell her your brother is using it to hold his Gameboy games. Be sure to mention how fragile Chanel bags are.

Soon you will hear screams and yelling emanating from downstairs. Smile, for this marks the end of their coalition based on their desire to ruin your life.

Step 6: Make your younger sibling your slave:
You are indeed an older sister. Take advantage of that superiority. Train your little brother to live in fear and obedience.

Kicking your brother off the couch is now routine. Establish your territory. Negotiate with him; if he wants to watch TV, then he’s going to have to pay YOU.

Step 7: Be the sweetie your brother and sister never were:

Sugar and spice make everything nice, according to the Powerpuff girls. In this case, however, up the sugar and lose the spice. While your older sister tells your mother she needs to change her outfit, tell her how pretty her hair looks. Sucking up is not beneath you; just be careful to maintain subtlety. By being nice to your parents, you will earn their trust. Make your parents believe that you never fight with your siblings either. YOU are NEVER the problem. Being the reliable one has its many perks.

Doing these steps will make life as a middle child much more bearable. You will feel a stronger sense of belonging and will receive the attention you deserve. And remember, when you have kids, stop at two!

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This article has 1 comment.

Sevdee BRONZE said...
on Feb. 23 2012 at 10:31 am
Sevdee BRONZE, Istanbul, Other
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
Haha I laughed too much while reading your article! It's cleverly written and very funny, though I take it not literally, of course, rather as an hyberbole :)


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