no matter what

December 29, 2010
Nothing can change the way I feel. No matter how much it hurts me. Or even how much you want to die.
I starred into the night sky, the stars glistening in the moonlight. Your face keeps replaying in my head. The way tears filled your eyes, and the way they rolled down your cheeks. I only wanted to help you. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I wanted you to forgive me, even if it meant I would never see you again.
That day was going perfectly. I had a game and for the first time you were coming to watch. I was so excited. And when I saw you that morning, you had a smile as big and bright as the sun. I didn’t think anything could change that. The first bell rang, and I didn’t know that would be the last time I saw you until that night.
Once the day was over, mine was just beginning. We had started warming up. All of us were dressed in our blue uniforms. Throughout the gym you could hear girls yelling “mine!” and “I got it I got it!”. I thought everything was fine. My passes were awesome, and my hits were remarkable. And just when the game was about to start, I asked coach if I could text my mom and tell her the game was starting. Your name popped up on my screen. I thought it was just going to be a text saying you cant comes to the game. But instead, it was a voicemail. I remember perfectly what you had said. “Alex, I can’t take it anymore. You told him about me, and now everyone knows. I’m leaving tonight. For good. Come meet me. So I can say goodbye.” I knew exactly where she wanted me to meet her. I could have waited until the game was over, but then, I would be to late.
I arrived at the park. The sky was as dark as day, and as bright as night. I could hear the crickets chirping, signaling the night was here. The stars up above were weeping, as if they knew what was going on.
I spotted her, leaning against the trunk of a tree.
“I'm sorry.” She said. She seemed sincere, but all I could think was what I had done.
“Please don’t do this. Everything will be fine. “ And then the moonlight reflected off the knife she had in her hand.
“I don’t want to. But they said everything will be better if I do.”
“Who said that?”
“The people in my head. I just wanted to say goodbye. I love you to death, ill miss you forever, friends for life.” She held the knife up to her throat and closed her eyes. She started crying. A million thing s went through my mind. I could call the police, but then they would be to late. I could tell her not to, but why would she listen to me. My mouth opened and I heard myself scream “STOP!!!” my eyes started to drown. My heart was beating and I wanted to fall to my knees. I wanted to be with her. To help her. I didn’t know what else I could do but say, “I care. I care about you. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are the only person I have met that’s just like me. We both know what we are going through. Nothing can change how I love you, and how much I care for you. Please. Don’t leave me.” She lowered the knife and stood. A second later she ran towards me, her arms flailing in front of her. And then 2 cop cars pulled up. Apparently someone had reported a disturbance. Amy was driven away, hands cuffed behind her back.
I came into the visiting room. There were couches and others, mostly parents, talking to their teens. There were pictures of flowers, and posters of the brain. I felt like I was at home, and at the doctors at the same time.
I walked up to her. She looked like she was in prison. No shoelaces, no jewelry, just shorts and a t-shirt. Guards were watching all around. Starring at her like she was a crazy criminal. I didn’t know it could get any worse. Everything changed. You would never come back to our school, and we might lose our friendship forever.
“I'm sorry things happened the way they did.” I said.
“Its not your fault. I didn’t know I was going to be so upset about a stupid thing.”
“No. I shouldn’t have said anything to him. I just wanted to help him get to know you better. I didn’t know he would treat you like that.”
“He called me a lonely loser, and that no one would want to ever be with me. He said that I should go away and never come back.” Tears stared rolling down her blotchy freckled cheeks. “He said I should roll up in a corner and die and that no one would ever miss me cause I'm so crazy.”
“You know that’s not true. “
“I know. But I didn’t then. I never knew words could make you feel so useless. And he said it so everyone could hear. And I was so humiliated I ran out of school and kept running until I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. By that time I had made a plan. I was going to call you after school, and tell you where I was so you could tell the police what happened. And so that I could tell you goodbye. I didn’t want to leave you or my family. I just wanted to leave the life I hated.”
“I know. And once you come back to school ill make sure everything will be fine. No one will ever tease you again. I promise.” Her eyes starred into mine and I could feel her pain. I wanted to fix everything. But I knew only her and the doctors could fix her mental health.
“I'm not going back.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t ever want to go back to that place they call school. I just want to have a new beginning. New people who don’t know anything about me. “
“But what about me? And Carmen?”
“Ill stay in touch. But you have to understand that it’s going to be hard for me to leave you both.”
“I do. I understand.” I started to get up from the couch and headed towards the door.”
“I'm sorry.” I shook my head. I remember that that would be the last time I saw her.
“I love you to death, ill miss you forever, friends for life.” She smiled and I slowly walked away from her forever. Thinking that everything was going to be okay.

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