I Love You.

December 27, 2010
I know I made the wrong decision. It’s past 11pm and I am overflooded with vivid memories of our summer and random flashbacks. I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t know what you think. What you would say. If you’d even care. I mean, I know you’re capable of comprehending every little thing I am thinking about. Maybe the bottom line is that I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss your cute smile. I miss your corky antics and quick-witted remarks that you don’t even think about that make me think. I just miss being around you. I am dealing with total and complete depression over everything. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this silence.

I wish we were in elementary school again. How I’d give pretty much anything to go back to simpler times. Or even middle school. Friends without the complications of getting older. Fear maybe?

I’m trying so hard to forget about all of it; forget about you, but I know it’s not going to happen. I am really trying to let go, even if it’s only a little. Because if I know how to let go of the memories or what went wrong, I will slowly forget about you… right?

Wrong and I know it.

I will never forget about you. You’re too close to home. Too close for comfort. Too close in general. Maybe if you didn’t still live here. Maybe if you didn’t work here. Maybe if you were just gone. But then that obviously leaves me with one question.

Would I miss you more if you were gone?

Because I know you’re just around the corner that it consoles me? I hate how I subconsciously think that. Or at least I think that’s what happens… I hope.

I know I made the wrong decision last summer. It tears me up inside thinking about it because we were close before, and now we don’t speak. Would you believe I still cry about it? Hearing perfect songs that sum up what happened that day. July 25th to be exact.

I’m sorry.

I can’t think of anything else to say. I’m at a loss of words. I would give ANYTHING to change what happened. Even if it was a small change. No matter what, you are still to this day apart of my life, regardless if I want that or not. You will forever have changed my life. This is my apology. I don’t know if I need to do it or not, but I’m so sorry. For everything, and how it played out. Thank you for all the memories that made me smile. For all the times you made me laugh and really think about life. The late night messages. Hanging out. Everything.

I love you <3

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