In Love

November 16, 2010
Why did I do this? I thought to myself, while the tears were running down my face for what felt like the millionth time today. We had such a great thing, and I ruined it. He will never want me back now, after all I said to him. He still hadn’t texted me back. You really shouldn’t ignore a 8 page message from your girlfriend, especially when it’s really, really important. Now, I wish I hadn’t sent it. I love him, so much, and I’ll never, ever stop. Not in a million years. Never ever.

I checked my phone for the hundredth time again, hoping that there would be a new message, but no such luck. I sighed, and wiped the tears away, but of course they came back 10 seconds later. By the time I fell asleep my fingers were stained with black mascara and all around me were wet tissues that were spotted with black. He still hadn’t responded, and when I woke up the next morning, I found 2 new messages, but was disappointed because they were both from my friend Heather. My eyes were all puffy and my head hurt, I had stayed up until after 12 crying until I eventually fell asleep. I really didn’t want to go to school, but I had to because of WKCE testing, which was required for all students. But today was the last day, and it only went until 10:30, so if I still didn’t feel good I could always go home.

“Mel, get up! It’s time for school!” My mom shouted, putting a stack of laundry on my bean bag chair. I groaned. I was exhausted. I swung my stiff legs over the side of the bed and got up. I went to the mirror to try to make myself look better. I didn’t really succeed. I brushed out the birds nest I call my hair, put on some make up and got dressed, and then went to eat breakfast. Rather, pick at my breakfast. All I had was barely half a bagel and a glass of milk. I never ate much when I was depressed, and sometimes I was depressed for a long period of time, so I’d go hungry for a long period of time.

“I’m full.” I said, pushing the rest of the bagel away.

“You aren’t going to eat anymore?” My mom asked, handing me my tablet.

“No, I’m full.” I said, looking down again. I sighed. I went back to my room and gathered my things together, to prepare for yet another horrific day at school.

On the way home
“So you really broke up with him? Wow.” My friend Shannon said as we walked to her house.

“Yeah, I did. But now I regret it.” I said, frowning. I was shaking, scared of what might happen tonight. Freddy was most likely to get my messages tonight. And if he didn’t, he had to get on the computer. And he most likely didn’t know what was happening, so he’d be normal.

“Aw, it’ll be ok, Mel. It’ll all work out.” Shannon said, rubbing my shoulder. It was mostly silent the whole way there. I tried to forget about it, I didn’t really like dwelling on things that were depressing me. After I got home and finished all of my homework, I got on the computer. Ten minutes later, a Skype notification popped up, alerting me that he was online. I trembled, and said ‘Hi’. It turns out, he hadn’t read my texts because his phone had been dead for a week. And then he read them. I hadn’t expected his reaction at all.

“Look Mel, if you don’t want to be together anymore, then fine. I don’t care anymore. Not really.” He typed to me. Tears oozed out of my eyes little by little, and I was so glad that he couldn’t see what I looked like right now. “Mel, to tell you the truth, I think this relationship died months ago. This relationship is full of lies.” This time I cried in hysterics. I was home alone, so obviously nobody noticed. I didn’t talk to him after that, not until 2 days later, when we really started to scream at each other. My friend Catelyn texted him, cursing at him. Of course he texted back, and he told me how he really felt about me. I didn’t cry because I was at a sleepover, but, oh, I wanted to. He told me that I hurt him, that I ripped his heart out. I felt terrible and immediately regretted my decision. How I wished to take it back. I still do to this day. The next day, we talked, thankfully, and I apologized for myself and Catelyn (because she obviously wasn’t going to apologize). When he had to go, he asked me a favor that broke my heart, but was glad to do. He asked me to tell him that I loved him one last time. I burst out into tears. Of course I said it, and I asked him to do the same, and he did. Since then, I’ve had mixed feelings about everything. Love can be messed up, and when you’re in love, you can be messed up, too.

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