I Feel Nothing.

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I feel nothing. I was feeling angry and sad and hurt. But right now, at this very moment, I feel nothing. Nothing in life is certain, there’s always something that will creep up behind you from around the corner, ruining that perfect or close to perfect moment. Right now I am stuck, I am stuck in this horrible place and I can’t seem to find my way back. No going forward, no going back. I am completely undetermined. Undetermined for school, for society, for everything. I suppose that’s why I haven’t chosen the path I wish to go in life. This immense belief that I’m not good enough has grown far too big and intern became this black hole, this black hole that is taking over my life, and dragging me further and further away from the people I love. Sometimes all I want to do is cry. Sometimes all I want to do is lock myself up in my room. Sometimes I just want to disappear. I try so hard to hide the pain. To put a brave face on so no one will notice. It works, but sometimes I just wish people would notice, would know. I suppose at times it can be a cry for help, for reassurance, for love. When I’m happy it’s like I can’t remember any of it, I can’t remember what it feels like, how much pain I go through, then when it hits me, it hits me hard, and it all comes rushing back. Everyone has their breaking point, and everyday I feel as if I am getting closer and closer to mine. I feel as if at any given moment I’m going to feel something, something so tiny but awfully affecting that will just hit the tip of the iceberg and send me spiralling into a breakdown. But right at this very moment it’s like I don’t care, it’s like I want to just sit in this big black hole and let it completely consume me. It’s happening, and I need to find the strength within myself to fight it. Otherwise there may be no coming back from it…





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