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Praying. Sighing. Shaking. Stepping out into the darkness as the roaring was dying down. Taking tiny steps to the spot where they placed me for my entrance. I’ve done this before. This was the fifth time I’ve been through this; however, this time was more nerve racking. Standing in the darkness, I could feel the butterflies having a party in my stomach. Thinking to myself, I prayed. The house lights went off and I caught my breath. I was scared. I was scared to death. But this is what I wanted to do. This was my passion. Acting is my second life.

The practices were fine. I’m not myself. I am Jessica. Jessica James. She is the biggest part that I ever played. I was scared out of my mind when I read her lines. I wanted to die when I saw the paragraphs in the script. Freaking out was what I did best. I went on the stage for practice and blew the directors away with my power. I still can’t understand where they saw a different person. I wasn’t myself anymore. I was Jessica.

Looking through pictures before the performance, I see what they saw. The different person standing there in front of me was breathtaking. I am Jessica. I am her for these two months. However, Jessica is not afraid of anything, and I am afraid of messing up. I don’t want to appear weak. I want people to see how I am strong. Just for two hours, I wanted to be 100% Jessica. So what did I do? I prayed.

And that’s where I am now. Praying while the lights are going down. Wishing the good Lord will hear my cry and give me the strength I need. Bossy. I need to be bossy to portray Jessica James. I need her to take over and be powerful. She needs to be stronger than I am. Because of my fear, I’m afraid to speak. What was my line? Did I forget it? Oh no…what do I do now? The lines said in front of the curtain were going on. Yet I am still afraid. Fear is rising up in my throat, but when I try to say something, it’s a whimper. Oh no, why now? The other actors were done on their scene. It’s my turn. My time to shine. The curtain started to sweep away. Stepping out of the way so the spotlight could hit me. I had another shockwave of nerves hit me. One more time Lord. Please. Help me be strong. I need you.

Strong as a lion, I step forward. A melodic but jazzy tune starts to play as I start to sing “Camp town Races”. Is this me? Am I really this brave? Throughout the play I am spectacular. Everyone told me that throughout and even after. I feel so relieved, so amazed, so blessed. There is no big word to describe how I feel right now. “Spectacular job CeCe.” “You did fabulous!” “You were born to be an actress.” Those comments to me filled my heart with tears as I overflowed with “thank you’s” and hugs. I have never been more filled with glee and giddiness. No one could tear the smile off my face. But I owe it all to God and the friends that supported me 100% through. They never let me give up and they always reminded me why I do what I do. Five plays down, and many more to come. I will never give up on my dream. Acting is my passion.

I am not Jessica. I am CeCe.





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choirchick2013 said...
Oct. 19, 2010 at 1:57 pm
you were amazing CeCe!! :) u WERE born to act... im so proud of you! :) you'll do as amazing, if not better in all other performances you do, at Whitko and on bigger stages throughout your life... <3 ya!-cnc
 
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