I want to let him know just how badly he has hurt me. I want to hand him a bottle of glue and all the pieces of my shattered heart. I want to replay my tears like a never-ending video just so he can drown in it. I want him to feel something, but I know he won't. For once, I wish he could see the world that exists outside of his own selfish views. I wish I could have seen the truth before I wasted it all on him. I gave him my heart, and he destroyed it. I offered him my trust, and he exploited it. I spent all my time and energy on him, and he threw it all away. Everytime he made his way back to me, I let him in. I opened my arms to him until he ran off again. So many regrets run at me everytime I hear his name or see his face. I want to let go. I want to move on. I want to finally have all the things that I know I deserve. But that boy has wrapped his fingers around my heart, and just won't let go. He keeps me hanging on by a fragile little thread, and swings me back and forth between love and hate. I need to cut that thread. I need to clean my heart from this poison.
September 27, 2010