I snapped. like a twig in frozen rain. broke. my advice, my hands, my strength were yours. you almost lost me but i came back. survived getting hit by a car on foot. i was the model citizen w a knife. love me please? but i came back. you loued me and was consumed in gratitude for my pathetic revived life. when did that change? i listen. i hang in. silently snapping. dont you even know me? sitting on your couch? folding your clothes? soothing your tears? blood surfaces as i sit alone in my room. im off to the psychiatric unit in the hospital. and now i dont want to be touched. after you grabbed me. i desert my fear best i can to walk away towards daybreak. working. trying. and leaving next summer. so many lives in one short life. never my own. but im better for it. we can talk about me being better all day after all words left unsaid in a puddle. no one loved you like i did. so let go off me. completely. i cant be that girl for you anymore. i cant be her even for myself. i give and give. you were better when i was picking up your pieces. but i broke myself right infront of you so as to say im done w this. but you have to know i still love you. these scars are proof. you must know. so when you take my heart, i handed it over. just to walk away after crying in the psychward with my sharp items locked away. but i grow another heart. up out of the leaves and dust. this one will be better. stronger. and maybe you will end up w this one too. i can handle the worn out shoes and the empty hands. because i can walk away. and when im gone you will hold my thoughts not one for a penny but for all the gold. but i know even tho boys hate me, i have no license, and sit alone w my headphones- god can do anything he wants here. let him have it.
Like a twig in the winter.
September 12, 2010