Moving On

August 24, 2010
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The warm morning sun escaped from the patterned curtains, causing its rays to hit her sleeping face. It didn’t take long till the brightness and its steady heat woke her up from her peaceful slumber. She didn’t even bother getting up from her bed. She stared at the white ceiling above her as she felt the usual morning numbness she feels every day.

Or she wished.

It wasn’t a usual morning after all.

Her mind then flashed back to the event just yesterday evening. She felt her heart sting in pain as she recalled the memories. “Hey, let’s break up.” He said rather seriously, causing her to just blank out on what to do. Already numbed by the statement and from the doubts she was having recently she just smiled and replied, “Ok.” He left, out her door that very same evening, leaving her motionless in her couch as if she just got murdered right there with him carrying her heart.

Even though that was the case she knew he’ll never come back.

A night passed, and here she was, in her bed with her heart numbed in shock, waiting for the thought to still sink in. A part of her wished that it was just a bad dream, but she knew it wasn’t. She felt as crappy as yesterday, feeling the side effects of literally crying her eyes out. She cried so much that night, so much so tears refuse to fall.

She decided, it was a new day, and now she just has to move on.

Besides, he did and left her behind.

She blinked as she forced herself up the bed, looking around at her rather plain bedroom. By her bedside drawer she spotted a photo frame that she picked up and stared for a moment. She smiled sadly, recalling the happy memories that were frozen by the photograph. Their first date together, his hands on hers and vice versa, smiling like a bunch of happy idiots.

A stab in her heart was felt as she continued to look at it, so with impulse she lay it down so her eyes can’t see it.

Even happy memories could make her feel so bad. She bit her lip as she continued to the restroom where she stared at herself in the mirror. Not only she felt terrible, she looked as terrible as she felt. Her hair was in different directions, her eyes were carried by dark circles and her lips chapped and dry. For the first time in her life, she didn’t care.

Actually, nothing really mattered at all.

What could a heartless corpse do?

After attempting to make her look at least decent, she roamed around her rather small apartment. There she realized how much of him was in her life. In the restroom he left his toothbrush which he used when he stayed for dinner or for a movie. In the kitchen, his usual mug was cleaned and tucked in next to hers. His instant coffee brew still had 100 sachets in the cupboard. One of his shirts was still on the line to dry off. Plastic flowers he gave her awhile back were still in the glass vase. There was another picture of him in the entertainment section. Her computer had his picture as wallpaper. The teddy bear he won for her while he played the UFO catcher in the arcade. A pair of socks he gave her for the winter.

She blinked as she find herself choking on many memories, each stabbing her with the fact that it won’t be the same again.

She then decided to get rid of these things before she kills herself in the inside by just looking and reminiscing.

Slowly she placed each and every thing related to him some possible way in a box. The silence forced her to work while her brain asked questions she knew only he could answer.

Why did it come to this?

Relationships go through these right? Why did they both fail to pass it?

Was it her fault?

Was it his?

Was it so bad that it was unfixable?

But even so, why did he give up?

Why didn’t she stop him?

Why did she say ‘okay’?


She blinked as her voice screamed inside her, tearing her apart.

“Eh?” She patted her now wet cheeks. She found herself crying involuntarily. Quickly, she tried her best to mop herself up, yet she knew she was going to fail. The tears didn’t want to stop at all.

“Why?” She finally whispered out loud as she stared at the gloomy weather out her living room window as if it was a mood ring matching the feelings that was currently plaguing her.

Then a new question formed in her mind.

What if?

What if she stopped him from leaving?

What if he did stop?

What if they worked through all these things that was bothering him and actually went through it?

Her hands trembled as she reached for the duct tape to finally cover all the memories of him in the cardboard box. When it was over she hid it aside where her eyes won’t even see it, a place where one day she’ll forget.

Of course, that was completely impossible since she knew the memories still lived in her.

But she then took a good bath afterwards, finally cleaned herself up, took a deep breath and let out a forced smile, but still a smile. Even though it will take years, even though her heart will still yearn for him and wish he’ll come back, even though she knew once in awhile she’ll find herself crying again…

She made up her mind: with him or without him, she’ll move on.

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AleeHale said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Awwwww, unnie I LOVE this! It's so sad though D: 
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